Build Date: Thu Dec 5 23:30:12 2024 UTC
Thanks for all the hard work you folks are conducting at SMRL. It has enhanced and certainly shortened my life.
-- Yehat
Noelle Snatched Underwear?
2002-02-01 10:14:58
This time the Florida girl gone wild had apparently decided to knock over a Penney's, or at least snatch some underwear. In 1995 "Noell Bush" was caught, arrested, and sentenced to a $305 fine. The person arrested attended a boarding school where it's been confirmed that, yes, the governor's daughter was enrolled. "Noell" even has the same name and birthdate.
A paper in Flagstaff broke the news Thursday -- yet other news outlets won't touch it. Florida officials released her from jail because they thought she had a clean record. Now they're thinking she's going to need a bail bondsman. Why this vast journalistic conspiracy of silence? While the Florida judicial system processes the new information on yet-another Bush family scandal, the newspapers obligingly look away...
It's been said any whiff of scandal involving liberal politicians gets vetted and pumped up through a pipeline of conservative pundits -- but that there's no corresponding fluffers for Bush-bashing. Add aggressive stone-walling from the Bush family, and you get a press corp that's cowed into submission.
All signs suggest reporters should steel themselves for more controversy in the future. Noelle's release was part of a program to lessen jail crowding by not detaining any Bush daughters gone loco if it's their first offense. The obvious conclusion, of course, is that there's more to come.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
