Jenna Bush gets high, pierces clitoris
2001-09-06 14:39:41

Bush Family Hijinx
I'm a self-important, ignorant drunk who avoids organized religions like the plague.
-- Johnnie Royale


Did the President's daughter pierce her clitoris -- and then flaunt the jewelry to impress a Hollywood actor? And was she high at the time?

That's what an online columnist is reporting, as America's Jenna-watching continues...

At, "Asterisk" examines the Jenna issue. Scouring newspaper articles -- and interviewing Salon's Jake Tapper -- the columnist first wonders if Jenna's underaged drinking has found an ally in the people themselves. A source in Hollywood paints a poignant picture of Jenna's quest for understanding in the welcoming arms of Los Angeles. "A lot of people do feel sorry for her... I mean, who didn't party in their college years, and imagine that rite of passage being snatched away from you."

And thus it was that Jenna revealed her pierced clitoris to a fellow Hollywood party-goer, the source reports. "She actually looked totally off of her head when she first came up to us," they remember. It's a tellingly American story. Trapped in an arch-conservative political family, Jenna clings to her touching faith that somewhere out there in the land of the free waits a sympathetic onlooker...

But in a diverse and wild country, empathy can take many forms. The Bush administration had blackballed all reporters at Talk magazine because the magazine ran a photo shoot parodying Jenna's visit to a Texas prison. So shortly before he left for Burning Man, the journalist behind Underground's article -- "Piercing Double-Talk" -- reports that he spent "my entire $300 tax refund check on bundles of Talk magazines, which I adorned with appropriate jewelry on the appropriate pages in the appropriate places, and then sent off to a ranch on the outskirts of Waco, TX."

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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