Build Date: Thu Oct 30 21:30:45 2025 UTC
Always do sober what you promised you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-- Ernest Hemmingway
Fun and Flames at Survival Research Labs
2001-06-09 11:11:55
Our intrepid reporter and gonzo journalist, CrackMonkey, went to the Survival Research Labs and artcar demolition derby in San Francisco last night and got demolished. He filed this report which we now post for posterity here in the Pigdog Journal, where Bad People of Future stay informed.
Fuq, okay, so I'm writing this little report while pretty goddamn drunk off of all the shit that we drank tonight. It all seems to have hit me right about now, so this is gonna be interesting.
Stephane and I convened at the Glen Park BART station to rearrange our wares and prepare the thermos o' Cap'n Emad's Land Yo' Sorry Arse In Th' Brig ArrrrrrrUM!
We bought cokes for innocuous beverage factor, and headed onto the 23 on our way to ACE auto wrecking for the SRL show.
The Devo impersonators seemed a lot more like Beastie Boys impersonators to us, so maybe that was just the opening act. We sat on the tires and drank our spocktails out of specially designed techno-beveratology devices and watched the ensuing Images Of The Future.
SRL shows are all like you're in The Future and it's full of Bad People. Everyone's all done up in goofy shit, and there's big ass Machines and people in Alien Bug costumes doing Crazy Techno Ambient and there's people in Bullhorns making Cop Noise and it's all just woo woo woo bzzzt frsshhhh zzzzap!
Fuq, this rum is evil shit, man.
Okay, trying to focus here...
phew!
So they lit these boards on fire and stuck firecrackers in the ass of 2x4s and shot them, flaming with aluminomagnesiastic fanfare into flats full of computer monitors and chaos and future tech and shit and BOOM and BANG and lots a lights.
It was great, and the guy wand'ring round in his orange stilt suit with TV cameras and buglook and bullhorns and crazyfu was drowned out by the engine that deliberately backfires because they have big ass sparkplugs on the exhaust and keep the mix rich as fuck.
But then cops REALLY CAME and they SHUT DOWN THE FUTURE so we had to stumble out into the past and look for busses.
We gave up and started looking for BATHROOMS. We went to burger sling and they only had drivethru
We event to the old clamhouse CLOSED FOR THE EVENING.
McDonucks was the same as BK.
Then we come upon Yorgo's Greek Bar and Donut Shop WE NEVER CLOSE and BREAKFAST 24HRS and FREE OUZO!
__ __ _ ____ ___ _ _ _
\ \ / // \ / ___| / _ \| | | | |
\ V // _ \ \___ \| | | | | | | |
| |/ ___ \ ___) | |_| | |_| |_|
|_/_/ \_\____/ \___/ \___/(_)
This regular guy was swearing in Greek and at least I know the dirty words, so it was all fun, and Yorgo the barman had a friend drive us to Zeitgeist where there was THE TAMALE LADY and I had tamales and chocolate and Guinness and rum and YOU ALL MISSED OUT ON THE GREATEST FUCKING NIGHT IN SAN FRANCISCO EVER AND I LAUGH AT ALL YOUR MISFORTUNES!
That is, until tomorrow morning, at which point I will likely be in heavy Regret Mode.
Stay tuned, and all...
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
