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Fun and Flames at Survival Research Labs
2001-06-09 11:11:55


Art Fux
 
I demand that a girl has brains before I fuck them out.
-- Paul Vortex

 

Our intrepid reporter and gonzo journalist, CrackMonkey, went to the Survival Research Labs and artcar demolition derby in San Francisco last night and got demolished. He filed this report which we now post for posterity here in the Pigdog Journal, where Bad People of Future stay informed.


Fuq, okay, so I'm writing this little report while pretty goddamn drunk off of all the shit that we drank tonight. It all seems to have hit me right about now, so this is gonna be interesting.

Stephane and I convened at the Glen Park BART station to rearrange our wares and prepare the thermos o' Cap'n Emad's Land Yo' Sorry Arse In Th' Brig ArrrrrrrUM!

We bought cokes for innocuous beverage factor, and headed onto the 23 on our way to ACE auto wrecking for the SRL show.

The Devo impersonators seemed a lot more like Beastie Boys impersonators to us, so maybe that was just the opening act. We sat on the tires and drank our spocktails out of specially designed techno-beveratology devices and watched the ensuing Images Of The Future.

SRL shows are all like you're in The Future and it's full of Bad People. Everyone's all done up in goofy shit, and there's big ass Machines and people in Alien Bug costumes doing Crazy Techno Ambient and there's people in Bullhorns making Cop Noise and it's all just woo woo woo bzzzt frsshhhh zzzzap!

Fuq, this rum is evil shit, man.

Okay, trying to focus here...

phew!

So they lit these boards on fire and stuck firecrackers in the ass of 2x4s and shot them, flaming with aluminomagnesiastic fanfare into flats full of computer monitors and chaos and future tech and shit and BOOM and BANG and lots a lights.

It was great, and the guy wand'ring round in his orange stilt suit with TV cameras and buglook and bullhorns and crazyfu was drowned out by the engine that deliberately backfires because they have big ass sparkplugs on the exhaust and keep the mix rich as fuck.

But then cops REALLY CAME and they SHUT DOWN THE FUTURE so we had to stumble out into the past and look for busses.

We gave up and started looking for BATHROOMS. We went to burger sling and they only had drivethru

We event to the old clamhouse CLOSED FOR THE EVENING.

McDonucks was the same as BK.

Then we come upon Yorgo's Greek Bar and Donut Shop WE NEVER CLOSE and BREAKFAST 24HRS and FREE OUZO!

__ __ _ ____ ___ _ _ _
\ \ / // \ / ___| / _ \| | | | |
\ V // _ \ \___ \| | | | | | | |
| |/ ___ \ ___) | |_| | |_| |_|
|_/_/ \_\____/ \___/ \___/(_)

This regular guy was swearing in Greek and at least I know the dirty words, so it was all fun, and Yorgo the barman had a friend drive us to Zeitgeist where there was THE TAMALE LADY and I had tamales and chocolate and Guinness and rum and YOU ALL MISSED OUT ON THE GREATEST FUCKING NIGHT IN SAN FRANCISCO EVER AND I LAUGH AT ALL YOUR MISFORTUNES!

That is, until tomorrow morning, at which point I will likely be in heavy Regret Mode.

Stay tuned, and all...

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

gable@pigdog.org


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