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Haunted Painting Scares Up Serious eBay Scrilla
2000-02-21 03:42:21


Art Fux
 
I've been taking calcium/magnesium to stop my butthole from spasming... it works.
-- Paul Vortex

 

Have you heard about the Haunted Painting? It appeared in a listing on eBay one day and everybody who saw it listed there had to go tell some folks, "Hey, did you hear about the Haunted Painting on eBay?" I am one of those people. Well, not really, since I don't look at eBay, but somebody told me about it and now I am really scared but I wish I had that painting.

It's a story about a family that finds a bargain painting in a junk shop. It's a story in all caps and it's really hard to read: "WHEN WE RECEIVED THIS PAINTING, WE THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY GOOD ART." These people get this painting and take it home, and that's when the WEIRD STUFF starts to happen.

(It should be noted at this point that this painting REALLY IS QUITE ODD. You won't find the images of it on eBay anymore, but somebody mirrored them here, so go look at them. It's a picture of a weird boy and a ROBOT GIRL standing in front of a window, and behind the window are dozens of disembodied hands. I must say, this scores really highly on the tingly factor, even if it is total bullshit.)

"ONE MORNING OUR 4 AND 1/2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CLAIMED, THAT THE CHILDREN IN THE PICTURE WERE FIGHTING, AND COMING INTO THE ROOM DURING THE NIGHT." So this woman gets her husband to set up a "motion triggered camrea (sic)," and after witnessing "THE BOY SEEMINGLY EXITING THE PAINTING UNDER THREAT, WE DECIDED, THE PAINTING HAS TO GO."

So they took it to eBay so some other poor slob could get haunted. And some freakshow THERE bought the thing for a thousand bucks.

Obviously, this is all stupid and fake (even if that painting is really fucking creepy, man.) But I've been thinking about this some, and I've come to the conclusion that this is probably just the tip of the iceberg on the "haunted painting" phenomenon. In the months to come, hundreds of haunted paintings are going to turn up on eBay, and they'll sell, because eBay has like an unlimited supply of stupid people who buy everything. So I went and got some butcher paper today and a big charcoal pen and I made up my own spooky painting (note MYSTERIOUS FIGURE seen in doorway behind foreground person... and is that person in the front actually coming OUT OF THE PAINTING? HMMMMMMM?.) I'm going to list it on eBay with a $3,000 reserve price, but I'll let Pigdog readers take the first crack at it. Come on. Bid on this sucker today.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

hapsburg@pigdog.org


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