WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS (cont'd)
2000-02-20 01:35:00

By Mr. Bad

Tjames

OK. So what's next for Jerkcity? When's the TV show gonna happen?

But, the point is that THAT IS WHERE I MET THESE FAGS AND THEY WON'T LET ME ALONE

Rands

Mr. Bad

Umm, fuck. So, what's next for Jerk City? Any ideas on the back burner?

Tjames

I beat you!

Mr. Bad

You BASTARD! That's my question!

Arkuat

the custom is to say "jinx"

Arkuat

who ever says jinx first, wins.

Tjames

I beat you, jinx!

Mr. Bad

Yeah, for CHILDREN, that is appropriate.

Arkuat

also for irc.

Pants always has crazy ideas for the strip... I'LL PROBABLY DO A NEW LAYOUT TO ACCOUNT FOR ALL THE NEW FEATURES like the mailinglist and STUFF

Rands

Mr. Bad

Anyways, let's try to conduct arselves as professional journalists, eh?

Enigma

Next question: Who are the people in the pictures on the "Ask Jerkcity" page? Known sex offenders?

Mr. Bad

Oh, heh, a new HTML layout, that's groundbreaking.

PLUS FREE PORN

Rands

Tjames

Will this be a real mailinglist, or one where you just yell at people?

Mr. Bad

Oooh, sorry, that was supposed ot be a private message.

It's real.. .

Rands

Enigma

Those are actual pics of the letter writers?

Tjames

Will you take things said on the mailinglist and put them in the strip?

Mr. Bad

I think you should do a shockwave version, with MIDI music in the background to set the mood.

http://www.jerkcity.com/mailinglist.html

Rands

tjames: Good idea. Possibly.

Rands

Mr. Bad

Like, wakachikawakachika porn music.

Mr. Bad

Sorry, shutting up now.

Mr. Bad

<insert pants response here>

Tjames

We have this Pigdog mailing list that has NOTHING to do with Pigdog. It's great.

I have no idea what people are going to do with jerkfans....

Rands

Mr. Bad

I like how you have an XML version of the site.

Arkuat

uh, when did the website become the entirety of pigdog? there's tnipnaz too. and this joint.

But if it's anything like listening to #jerkcity, it'll PROBABLY INVOLVE HEAPING PILES OF DONGS, ETC.

Rands

Mr. Bad

Does anyone use that XML for anything useful at all?

Good question for Pants... apparently, he removed it at one point and PEOPLE GOT UPSET

Rands

Arkuat

matthew bender used it internally as part of a persistent-object class development system while i was working there

Arkuat

xml, that is

Mr. Bad

Are you ever afraid you're going to wake up one morning and the words "Dong", "Prick", and "Cock" won't be funny any more?

Can you honestly say that the word "DONG" or "BONER" will ever not be funny?

Rands

Mr. Bad

Well, like, if you say it over and over again, it just turns into a weird Zen chant.

Mr. Bad

BONERBONERBONERBONERBONERBONERBONERBONERBONER

SUDDENLY GAY ER

Rands

Mr. Bad

OK, but I guess I see your point.

Mr. Bad

Hey, anybody wanna pipe up here or something?

Weird network silence hits IRC. Tjames disappears almost completely.

Mr. Bad

Like, maybe some witty repartee and shit?

Mr. Bad

Fucking everyone talks over each other and then there's fuckall.

Last few questions, I gotta BATTLE THE COMMUTE IN THE MORNING

Rands

Arkuat

well, i'm trying not to interrupt the interview too much, because i haven't been following jerkcity lately, so every time i pipe up, i feel like a schmuck for coming unprepared to the interview

LOSER

Rands

Arkuat

right.

:)

Rands

Mr. Bad

Not to mention that you didn't even KNOW there was an interview.

STRIKE #2

Rands

Mr. Bad

Hey, so, one more question: why so worried about your privacy and shit?

Arkuat

i'll have to administer a beating to my social secretary.

Enigma

Can I watch?

Mr. Bad

Like, we had to go through more machinations than a BASQUE SEPARATIST to get this interview going.

Well, jerkcity content can be rather racy and WELL I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO LOOK PEOPLE IN THE FACE THAT I WORK WITH

Rands

I showed jerkcity to a few co-workers and some totally get it and others stop talking to me

Rands

Arkuat

more power to the anonymity brethren.

pumps a revolutinary fist in the air.

Arkuat

s/tin/tion/

Mr. Bad

Yeah, well, ALSO, you blew me off for an in-person interview last week.

Mr. Bad

!

I was in New Jersey.. so consider me punished.

Rands

Mr. Bad

OK, that's fair. I couldn't punish you more than that.

Tjames

Hey, my connection came back. Just in time for the wrap-up.

Mr. Bad

But I am NOT YOUR BITCH.

Mr. Bad

I just had to say that.

Enigma

Ignore Mr. Bad, he sends out last minute invites and thinks he has commitment.

Mr. Bad

Hey, I was forced to sit in a bar in the Mission and drink lots of beer and Wild Turkey!

Mr. Bad

Being a journalist is HAAAAAAAARRRRRRDD.

Enigma

Poor you. Any new characters in the works?

Arkuat

gee, i wish i did that more often.

The chat room really isn't public.... I think guest appearances will occur, but SPIGOTDEUCERANDSANDPANTS will continue to dominate

Rands

Mr. Bad

Yeah, that is the core of the team, I guess.

Mr. Bad

Listen, I want to congratulate you for the amazing way you bring out something approximating emotion from those characters.

Arkuat

memepool uses #perl as kind of a parallel forum for people to toss out links asking if their memepoolable.

Mr. Bad

I think you have, like, 8 faces to use?

Arkuat

s/their/they're/

Something like that.

Rands

Mr. Bad

And you manage to make it look like there's really someone talking.

Mr. Bad

It's kinda like puppetry, in a way.

Mr. Bad

In a faggy, lame, arty way.

It's the content which makes Jerkcity -- any schmuck could've thought up using ComicChat, but if the content wasn't KICK ASS ... nobody would care

Rands

Arkuat

don't malkovich out on us, mr. bad.

Mr. Bad

Sorry I said that.

Mr. Bad

Yeah, it's very good.

Mr. Bad

So, we already talked about Leisuretown and Jim something something, but what else do you read on the Web, or off?

Uhhhh.... TheOnion... hurrrrrrrrrrr... what else...

Rands

Mr. Bad

LAME

My web browsing habits are rather lame...

Rands

Mr. Bad

You could kiss our ass and say you read Pigdog Journal all the time.

It's mostly newsy stuff. AND I'VE ONLY RECENTLY STARTED BROWSING PIGDOG

Rands

Arkuat

or even better, you could tell us about something cool that none of us has ever heard of before.

Mr. Bad

But, fuck, we're interviewing YOU, so we're in the buttocks-smooching position.

I have a feeling y'all have a better map of the web.

Rands

Mr. Bad

Hey, so, you know how in like _Details_ magazine they always ask these total IDIOTS that they interview about current events and shit?

Mr. Bad

Well, I'm not going to do that, even though I'm running out of ideas, because I totally failed to prepare.

Mr. Bad

OK, but what do you read off-line?

Mr. Bad

Or watch or porn off to or whatever.

Arkuat

yeah, what is your favorite porn.

Arkuat

or you said you don't like that stuff?

Hmmm... porn.

Rands

I used to dig on www.pornopolis.com (AND IF YOU LOOK CAREFULLY AT IT YOU'LL KNOW WHY)

Rands

Mr. Bad

Oh, hey: rands.

Mr. Bad

Name comes from: what?

But, my life is more interesting than porn these days

Rands

Mr. Bad

Wow! it is?

Arkuat

is that publishable or should we try to avoid "slashdotting" it?

Mr. Bad

Do you meet lots of bisexual sluts and stuff who want to have sex with you on your motorcycle?

Name is a byproduct of an exgirlfriend

Rands

I'll say no more

Rands

Mr. Bad

Heh heh. It's probably some term for LABIA

COULD BEHGUHGUHUHIDFHGUFHUH G

Rands

Arkuat

i think this person needs to take nightly ablutions to prepare for the morning commute

Mr. Bad

Shit, I'm worried that tjames fell off of the internet.

Mr. Bad

TJAMES! Come back!

Mr. Bad

Fuck.

Arkuat

*** CTCP PING reply from tjames: 1 seconds

Mr. Bad

So, uh, rands, any parting words and shit?

STAY WAY GAY

Rands

Arkuat

he's probably investigating the plumbing.

Mr. Bad

Inspirational shit for growing youngsters.

STAY WAY GAY (STILL)

Rands

Enigma

Way

Mr. Bad

Bitchen! Muchas gracias for the interview.

PANTS WILL BE FUNNIER THAN ME.

Rands

Mr. Bad

OK, well, maybe we'll bust his ass.

No problem. GOOD TO EXPRESS MYSELF IN A NON-HGUHGUHGUHGUHG PLEASE GET OFF MEHGUHGUGHUGHGUH THIS IS HUGE HGUEHUSDJFDGJGFJFDG

Rands

Arkuat

yes, danke fer thee interview.

Night all. Come visit #jerkcity some time.

Rands

Enigma

g'night

Mr. Bad

OK, you got it!

Arkuat

cool.

Mr. Bad

Yippie and shit.

Enigma

Goodnight Mr. Bad

Enigma

Goodnight Arkuat

Enigma

Goodnight TJames

Arkuat

goodnight [Enigma]

Mr. Bad

OK, later, [Enigma]!

Enigma

Goodnight _rands_

Pao Tzu enters the IRC channel.

Mr. Bad

Hey, pao, what up!?

Arkuat

goodnight _rands_

Arkuat

good night john boy

Mr. Bad

Sorry we took over the channel, but we had to interview this stuck up guy from Jerk City.

Mr. Bad

Fucking ASSSSS.

Pao Tzu

oh

Arkuat

greetings pao tzu li erh yang.

Pao Tzu

I'm on like three networks

Mr. Bad

Oh, wait, he hasn't left yet.

Pao Tzu

I have no idea what is going on

Mr. Bad

:-) <- Heh heh

Arkuat

remember solex vs. the pigdog, paotzu?

Arkuat

oh, and happy year of the dragon.

Mr. Bad

Hey, tjames! Quit being a twat and come say that you're still alive.

Arkuat

i just moved to oakland chinatown and it's been constant firecrackers going off all weekend.

Mr. Bad

Man, I hope that guy didn't think I was serious and shit.

 

mustard@pigdog.org