Build Date: Sat Jun 13 19:20:06 2026 UTC
My fits of Joy are soiled by relentless flashbacks and ghosts too foul to name
-- HST
Okay, the world actually DID end
2000-01-07 17:30:07
Doesn't it seem spooky that there weren't any millenium cults? I mean, all kinds of crazy people are in the world and still, none of them seemed to do anything apocalyptic. And what about like Europe and Africa where they didn't care about the whole Y2K bug fix thing and left it be. There's all these reassuring news articles that Y2K didn't do much. Why is that? Well, actually, we just didn't want you to flip out.
So, we were really busy dealing with the dinosaurs, flaming angels, survivalists, disease-resistant bacteria, killer bees, kudzu, swamp rats, Kung Fu monks, ebola, economic crashes, Luddites, nuclear meltdowns, failed utilities, returning Messiahs, heroin mutants, seven-winged kings, Four Horsemen, Ragnarok wave horse bushes, stapling accidents, and sqrat attacks that we realy didn't want to also deal with you flipping out.
We know how you, more than the rest of the people we know, are really touchy and sensitive about this stuff, and we just put up some happy articles on your local computer (since the Internet was eaten by four-dimension telepathic cockroaches) that would make it seem like everything is fine.
Honestly, we decided it would be better to break it to you once we're through this crisis.
We did it because we love you.
T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
