Build Date: Sun May 19 01:30:05 2024 UTC
I have seen the violence inherent in the system, and it's ME.
-- Negative Nancy
The Prophet of Doom is Eaten by His Young
1999-12-28 22:44:18
Let me make myself as perfectly clear as freshly-blown glass: Gary North is a con artist with a evil black vulture soul that feeds on the brain cells of humanity that have been killed off by ignorance. And in just a few days, he will be exposed for the slick huckster that he is.
If you have not heard of Mr. North let me give you a quick run-down. For many years, Gary North, a member of a Christian cult who wishes to bring about the end of western civilization, has been making scare-tactic predictions about end of the world. These range from AIDS becoming the next black plague, to a nuclear war with Russia that would send everyone back to the Stone Age (except he and his fellow followers).
In the past few years, after all of his other predictions of doom and gloom (that would make Ozzy Osbourne's Black Sabbath-era lyrics seems like The Backstreet Boys wrote them) have failed. Gary happened upon a book written by computer programmer Ed Yourton, in which he warned of dire consequences unless the Y2K bug was addressed.
Gary North saw this as a way to make money off of the uninformed, by scaring them into buying his very expensive newsletter (more than $200 for just 24 issues). Starting with things like 70's-era gas lines, supply trucks that won't deliver necessary goods, crashing world wide stock markets, and backing it all up with vague references and quotations from reputable and credible programming pioneers, and even you can seem like a computer glitch guru if you get in early enough in the game.
At the time of this writing, there are only three days left until the clocks turn over to Jan. 1, 2000. And to date, I have yet to see any gas lines stretching for blocks or computer programmers running for the hills like packs of panicked beasts. People aren't making bank runs, and the various stock markets haven't collapsed as of yet. For the past week North has been rather quiet. I speculate that he and his inner circle are currently locked away in the isolated North compound. The food supplies are stocked, the water supplies and filters are all in place, the booby traps have been activated, and they are armed to the teeth with enough small firepower to fend off an army of starving Huns. There's also the possibility that he's already left the country and is on his private island, watching the sunset as he is served chilled margaritas by a loyal collection of child-servants freshly imported from Venezuela. In both cases, he has Manson-esqe dreams of returning to a world where he'll be welcomed as their new leader and mentor.
If he's wise, he'll stay where he is for at least six months. Longer if he values his life. Because if he shows up any sooner, the people that took his advice, and gave him their money will tear him apart like a pack of hyenas on a wounded gazelle.
But don't think for a moment that this will be the last we'll be hearing from Gary North. As any street-level hustler will attest to, you can't keep a good shill down. Gary will be back by May or June, with a newly calibrated pitch of how the world will be ending shortly.
In the meantime, take a walk through his web site. Savor all the splendor of a modern-day madman who would have had his followers seal themselves up in caves with rocks & mortar a thousand years ago. Who knows, perhaps he may finally lose the edge, and attempt to explain why his predictions have all failed to pass.
T O P S T O R I E S
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Canadians Not So Different After All
Nobody wants to be prejudiced. But sometimes you can be biased and not even realize it. I think many Americans are biased in this way against Canadians. I never really stopped to think about it, but I myself used to be this way. I guess I thought that Canadians were "stuck-up" — you know, smarter and better cultured than us. But then I got educated about Canadia. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)