Build Date: Sat Jul 12 01:40:56 2025 UTC
well, even the fringe needs a fringe
-- rotten elf
Calm Before the Storm
1999-12-24 14:16:57
Well, T'is the Day Before Christmas, and it's probably a good thing that you're dicking around on the Web rather than stressing over last-minute XMas shopping like I am. Enjoy it while you can, because next week is going to SUCK.
After tomorrow, the Great Unwashed will FINALLY start concentrating en masse about Y2K. There's only 7 days left, after all, which is just on the horizon of America's attention span. And, HELL, the nightly news isn't going to be talking about anything else for a while.
Despite the fact that the media's emphasis for "last-minute plans" for Y2K is on finding a good party or restaurant to welcome the new year, I suspect that a lot more people will start listening to that queasy feeling in their bellies instead and go on a survival-buying spree. Water, dry food, gasoline, generators, cooking fuel, etc. will probably be harder to find next week than they will in Feb 2000. I bet a lot of people who normally wouldn't care are going to get irate about 5-day waiting periods for guns and bans on sales of ammo around New Year's. You can't get armed before Y2K, folks. Just in case you were wondering.
I've had plans for about 18 months to write an article entitled "Panic Now and Beat the Rush -- A Procrastinator's Guide to Y2K." Well, it's too late for that. Panic now and JOIN the rush is more like it. Those folks who've got any brains in their heads are all huddling in mountain cabins listening to their hand-cranked shortwaves and smugly Reading the Signs. The rest of us have got to deal with the shitstorm, I guess. Ugh! See you at the riots, eh?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
