Build Date: Thu Nov 27 23:10:09 2025 UTC
you can't spell "death" without "DEA".
-- Juggler Vain
Calm Before the Storm
1999-12-24 14:16:57
Well, T'is the Day Before Christmas, and it's probably a good thing that you're dicking around on the Web rather than stressing over last-minute XMas shopping like I am. Enjoy it while you can, because next week is going to SUCK.
After tomorrow, the Great Unwashed will FINALLY start concentrating en masse about Y2K. There's only 7 days left, after all, which is just on the horizon of America's attention span. And, HELL, the nightly news isn't going to be talking about anything else for a while.
Despite the fact that the media's emphasis for "last-minute plans" for Y2K is on finding a good party or restaurant to welcome the new year, I suspect that a lot more people will start listening to that queasy feeling in their bellies instead and go on a survival-buying spree. Water, dry food, gasoline, generators, cooking fuel, etc. will probably be harder to find next week than they will in Feb 2000. I bet a lot of people who normally wouldn't care are going to get irate about 5-day waiting periods for guns and bans on sales of ammo around New Year's. You can't get armed before Y2K, folks. Just in case you were wondering.
I've had plans for about 18 months to write an article entitled "Panic Now and Beat the Rush -- A Procrastinator's Guide to Y2K." Well, it's too late for that. Panic now and JOIN the rush is more like it. Those folks who've got any brains in their heads are all huddling in mountain cabins listening to their hand-cranked shortwaves and smugly Reading the Signs. The rest of us have got to deal with the shitstorm, I guess. Ugh! See you at the riots, eh?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
