Build Date: Wed Nov 29 05:00:21 2023 UTC
There is nothing wrong with belt AND suspenders when it comes to security. Your position assumes that the belt is near perfect, and that you've got nothing worth looking at if your pants fall down anyway.
-- MasterSquid
Ultimate Shit 'N Slide
2021-06-13 23:14:34
NBC's production of the Ultimate Slip 'N Slide TV show had to be shut down this week after approximately 40 crew and cast members fell violently ill with "awful explosive diarrhea."
The show, which is based around the classic Slip 'N Slide toy made by Wham-O, is your basic summertime T&A show where you can see lots of good-looking people in skimpy bathing suits sliding around and on top of one another on wet plastic sheets. There's likely some sort of competition to do... something? Doesn't matter, it's young people with almost nothing on getting wet, that's why you're expected to tune in.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, someone brought an uninvited guest along named Giardia, a tiny parasite that can be found in water contaminated with poop.
Giardia causes giardiasis, an illness with symptoms including explosive diarrhea, gassy wet-sounding farts, painful stomach cramps, upset stomach, and foul-smelling, greasy poop that tends to float.
The main way that people get giardiasis is by swallowing Giardia germs. Giardia spreads easily. According to the CDC, the most common way people get sick is by swallowing contaminated drinking water or recreational water, for example, lakes, rivers, pools, or sliding around on a wet rubber sheet with someone who didn't wipe very well.
Crew members recount harrowing tales of some people collapsing on set and others running for the port-a-potties. Although no photos from the set were available, we imagine that it may have looked a lot like the Woodstock-themed Pol'and'Rock Festival in Poland, pictured here.
NBC planned to air the show starting August 8, following the closing ceremonies of the Tokyo Olympics. Since they had to shut down the set before shooting had been completed the premiere may be delayed or the show may cancelled altogether.
If Ultimate Slip 'N Slide is released, the audience will be both enthralled and revolted: getting a dose of T&A and then a sharp slap back to reality every time they see a contestant get a mouthful of ass water, knowing what's in store for that slider they were rooting for.
T O P S T O R I E S
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)
If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
Self-righteous assholes block highway to Burning Man
A group of self-righteous assholes converted exactly zero people to their cause by blocking the highway to Burning Man this week. The group, which used a flimsy trailer, some lengths of chain, and a few folding chairs to block the road, put up signs including "Burners of the World Unite," but none of the burners stopped in traffic wanted to unite with them for anything. (More...)
How much force does it take to pull out nose hair?
Have you ever pulled out a nose hair and felt like part of your brain came with it? Have your eyes watered from the extreme pain? Did you wonder how much force it took? Would you pull out 50 more hairs afterwards, using precise measuring instruments, to determine the answer IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE? (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)