Build Date: Fri Jul 4 19:30:08 2025 UTC
At its best New Wave/punk represents a fundamental and age-old Utopian dream: that if you give people the license to be as outrageous as they want in absolutely any fashion they can dream up, they'll be creative about it, and do something good besides.
-- Lester Bangs
Study Says: Sniff Old Lady Armpits to Make You Feel REAL GOOD!!
1999-07-01 01:46:39
Okay, so what kind of SICK scientists came up with a study like this one?? Don't these people have anything better to do?!!
Here's the scoop: These freaky scientist guys decided to make a bunch of poor college students smell nasty, sweaty, bacteria-soaked gauze pads from under OLD LADY ARMPITS!!! AHHHHHGH!! In fact, they had to smell all kinds of nasty, sweaty, disgusting gauze pads from all kinds of nasty, sweaty people.
Best of all, the students JUST LOVED the smell of the old ladies! No kidding. Apparently, it lifted their moods whenever they sniffed old lady smell.
Now, I always thought there was nothing worse than Old People Smell, but I guess not. Remember going to the old folks home and crinkling your nose cuz it smelled SO DAMN BAD? Or hugging that old aunt, and holding your breath so you wouldn't have to catch a whiff of Old People Smell? Well, I guess Old People Smell is good afterall...
Feeling down? Sniff an old lady! Old People Smell (OPS): better than Prozac.
Like a fine wine, it only gets better with time.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
