Build Date: Thu Oct 16 02:30:06 2025 UTC
I hate things I can fuck up.
-- Negative Nancy
German Linux Users Plan dada Beowulf Insane-a-thon
1998-11-19 00:00:00
Man, I love German Linux users! They are sweaty, lolling-tongued madmen! Here in America, Linux advocates are busy doing boring crap like trying to get The Man to accept Linux. Meanwhile, the Germans are doing shit-crazy things like building the world's largest computer cluster on national TV!
On December 5th and 6th, from 11:30 to 6AM, German Linux users' groups across the country will be trying to assemble the world's largest Beowulf cluster. For non-techies, computer clusters are groups of computers that have been tied together with software to act as one machine. It's kind of like the Borg on Star Trek -- many computers, one Computer Hive Mind.
Anyways, the insane Germans -- all volunteers -- are gonna join more than 500 Linux computers in unholy union. They've got less than 7 hours to do it. And those are 7 of the most insane hours of the night, too!
Who knows what will happen? Maybe they will fail. Maybe they will succeed, play a quick game of Nethack, and call it a night. Or maybe, just maybe, all that distributed computing power will spontaneously bloom into a consciousness that will infest the Internet and take us all to THE NEXT LEVEL!!! OK, probably not, but it _could_ happen.
The completely crazy part is that they're going to be covered live on German national TV! Admittedly, that's not exactly prime time -- they're just competing with the farm report and the late late late late movie. But still! Live coverage of hacking exploits!
I have no idea what happens to German Linux fanatics if they try a hubris-filled dare-devil stunt like this and FAIL. Maybe one of the other LUG officers leaves a loaded Amiga on their desk as a subtle indication that they should do the honorable thing.
Anyhoo, one thing's for certain: the eyes of the world look to German Linux users to provide insane Linux antics at impossible speeds. Check out this link if you speak German, eh?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
