Build Date: Sat Aug 30 19:00:20 2025 UTC
Journalism is fun. There's a lot of drinking involved.
-- Baron Earl
40,000 Linux boxes on one machine
2000-05-11 15:18:27
IBM is hella down with non-sucky computers.
IBM says they have 40,000 virtual machines on one box!
GODDAMN
Shit, this is going to blow Microshaft's ILOVEYOU no PGP having fat pig method of serving applications out of the muddy lake where it inhales its own dying stench in between manual defragmentations of pornographic asf files.
Check it, IBM will make this shit turn back to 1981. Fuck PCs. Fuck WORDSTAR. Goddamn. Computers are not typewriters.
Imagine you're in some big mainframe relay network. You log into your own virtual machine on the mainframe box and initialize your desktop which is halfway in the last sentence you typed yesterday.
Terminal hookups, the ones where you had to fuck with the telephone hook if the modem got fucked up and jam the telephone handset back on the hook before saying fuckit and driving into the office to use a WYSE hookup on the DIRECT CONNECTION.
Printing? Fuck, IBM will hook you up with a representative that will come and set your printer on double-speed for you! Not only that with the HUD mainframe linux relay network you can play PySol on your fucking lunch break WITHOUT having to sweat spitting coffee all over your LCD.
Furthermore with 40,000 computers at 500M byte second you'll be able to have a computer in the bathroom. In the PUBLIC bathrooms like in Holland where you can check you email except it won't be FUCKED UP INTEL shit it will be a direct mainframe Virtual Network Computing AT&T IBM Linux machine hopping with computer porn email attachments ENCODED so that the Singaporian government doesn't reroute access.
IBM Linux mainframes can even HACK on the shitter.
Linux will be on Microsoft like that guy who punched you in your eye and while he was looking through your wallet kicking you in the gut he was yelling ``WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?''
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
War on Terror produces excess inventory of doomsday ready laptops
The War on Terror has resulted in a rush of new technology useful to the general population. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
