Build Date: Wed May 21 16:30:36 2025 UTC
Who knew I could write something longer than a smug one liner.
-- Donkey Hotey
40,000 Linux boxes on one machine
2000-05-11 15:18:27
IBM is hella down with non-sucky computers.
IBM says they have 40,000 virtual machines on one box!
GODDAMN
Shit, this is going to blow Microshaft's ILOVEYOU no PGP having fat pig method of serving applications out of the muddy lake where it inhales its own dying stench in between manual defragmentations of pornographic asf files.
Check it, IBM will make this shit turn back to 1981. Fuck PCs. Fuck WORDSTAR. Goddamn. Computers are not typewriters.
Imagine you're in some big mainframe relay network. You log into your own virtual machine on the mainframe box and initialize your desktop which is halfway in the last sentence you typed yesterday.
Terminal hookups, the ones where you had to fuck with the telephone hook if the modem got fucked up and jam the telephone handset back on the hook before saying fuckit and driving into the office to use a WYSE hookup on the DIRECT CONNECTION.
Printing? Fuck, IBM will hook you up with a representative that will come and set your printer on double-speed for you! Not only that with the HUD mainframe linux relay network you can play PySol on your fucking lunch break WITHOUT having to sweat spitting coffee all over your LCD.
Furthermore with 40,000 computers at 500M byte second you'll be able to have a computer in the bathroom. In the PUBLIC bathrooms like in Holland where you can check you email except it won't be FUCKED UP INTEL shit it will be a direct mainframe Virtual Network Computing AT&T IBM Linux machine hopping with computer porn email attachments ENCODED so that the Singaporian government doesn't reroute access.
IBM Linux mainframes can even HACK on the shitter.
Linux will be on Microsoft like that guy who punched you in your eye and while he was looking through your wallet kicking you in the gut he was yelling ``WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?''
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)