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Bing Crosby Music Used to Torture Teenagers!!
1999-07-08 18:14:53


Viva La Musica
 
If your 87 year old Aunt Edna all of a sudden started handing out fresh tabs of acid, would you complain about how embarrasing and un-hip Edna is with her rocking chair and Alzheimers n' all, or would you just shut up and enjoy this unexpected bounty...
-- Patient Joab

 

Geez, it's hard to be a Bad Kid these days, everyone is out to get ya in one way or another!

Australians are now using Bing Crosby music as a deterrent against pesky loitering teenagers. A mall in Wollongong, plays Bing's classic "My Heart Is Taking Lessons" over, and over, and over, again at TOP volume in order to drive the poor kiddies crazy.

This tactic seems to be working as hardly anyone could put up with such torture for long. Another cruelty employed by the mall is the use of pink fluorescent lights that highlight pimples, just to make life a bit more miserable for the little punks.

These policies seem to be popular with the regular Old People shoppers.

"The music keeps them [teenagers] away," one shopper says. "It makes it safer as we walk up to the car park."

But before you start to get the idea that Australians are SMART or anything, it should be noted that the convenience chain, 7-11, pioneered this technology. Store locations across the country have speakers outside that blare classical music all day long to scare Bad Kids away.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

kunst@pigdog.org


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