Build Date: Thu Jan 8 14:20:07 2026 UTC
oh God there are huge bats flying around in here...
-- Ratsnatcher
Bing Crosby Music Used to Torture Teenagers!!
1999-07-08 18:14:53
Geez, it's hard to be a Bad Kid these days, everyone is out to get ya in one way or another!
Australians are now using Bing Crosby music as a deterrent against pesky loitering teenagers. A mall in Wollongong, plays Bing's classic "My Heart Is Taking Lessons" over, and over, and over, again at TOP volume in order to drive the poor kiddies crazy.
This tactic seems to be working as hardly anyone could put up with such torture for long. Another cruelty employed by the mall is the use of pink fluorescent lights that highlight pimples, just to make life a bit more miserable for the little punks.
These policies seem to be popular with the regular Old People shoppers.
"The music keeps them [teenagers] away," one shopper says. "It makes it safer as we walk up to the car park."
But before you start to get the idea that Australians are SMART or anything, it should be noted that the convenience chain, 7-11, pioneered this technology. Store locations across the country have speakers outside that blare classical music all day long to scare Bad Kids away.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)
