OK, so everybody knows that tadpoles aren't very cute. BUT,
how cute are rare tadpoles that are stolen from a darling
little country like Denmark? Pretty DAMN cute, I'd say.
Most likely the rare fire-bellied toad tadpoles were RIPPED from their quaint
little Danish farm to be sold to pet stores (not to some freaky rich-people
group that likes to feast on "exotic" meats). Now c'mon, that's just way outta
control cuter than a baby dressed up in rain gear sitting in a tire!
Can't you just imagine the backs of milk cartons and those ad-thingies you get
in the mail with pictures of schools of tadpoles frolicking and the words
"Missing" and "Dearly Loved" as the caption?
I realize that this all sounds very patronizing but I actually lived in Denmark and therefore, I KNOW. Let me list a
handful of reasons why the Danish cute factor is so damn high:
- Population 5 million (95% homogeneous, meaning: blonde hair, blue eyes)
- Gingerbread houses
- Postmen on bikes with red leather postal bags and smart-looking caps
- Everybody on bikes even in the dead of the frigid North Atlantic winter
- Revered Little Mermaid statue in Copenhagen harbor ("den Lille Havfrue")
- Highest peak a whopping 1500ft
- Hans Christian Andersen (OK, he's a wee bit freaky, that can only be
explained by an excess of German blood in the family tree)
Plus, many Danes even think their country is painfully cute. When I told one
Dane I met here in the States that I spoke Danish she lightheartedly laughed
and remarked, "Well, it is a cute little language, but why would you want to
Anyways, this has got to be the most grievous crime in Denmark since the VICIOUS
THEFT of the Little Mermaid's head. _And_, there was the ever famous
incident in 1995 when someone rammed a bulldozer into a Danish prison freeing
many "hardened" Danish criminals. One escapee gave himself up because he was
"homesick", missed the cushy Danish prison life and wanted to go back
(Awwwwwwww, how sweet!).