OK, so everybody knows that tadpoles aren't very cute. BUT,
how cute are rare tadpoles that are stolen from a darling
little country like Denmark? Pretty DAMN cute, I'd say.
Most likely the rare fire-bellied toad tadpoles were RIPPED from their quaint
little Danish farm to be sold to pet stores (not to some freaky rich-people
group that likes to feast on "exotic" meats). Now c'mon, that's just way outta
control cuter than a baby dressed up in rain gear sitting in a tire!
Can't you just imagine the backs of milk cartons and those ad-thingies you get
in the mail with pictures of schools of tadpoles frolicking and the words
"Missing" and "Dearly Loved" as the caption?
I realize that this all sounds very patronizing but I actually lived in Denmark and therefore, I KNOW. Let me list a
handful of reasons why the Danish cute factor is so damn high:
- Population 5 million (95% homogeneous, meaning: blonde hair, blue eyes)
- Gingerbread houses
- Postmen on bikes with red leather postal bags and smart-looking caps
- Everybody on bikes even in the dead of the frigid North Atlantic winter
- Revered Little Mermaid statue in Copenhagen harbor ("den Lille Havfrue")
- Highest peak a whopping 1500ft
- Hans Christian Andersen (OK, he's a wee bit freaky, that can only be
explained by an excess of German blood in the family tree)
Plus, many Danes even think their country is painfully cute. When I told one
Dane I met here in the States that I spoke Danish she lightheartedly laughed
and remarked, "Well, it is a cute little language, but why would you want to
learn it?".
Anyways, this has got to be the most grievous crime in Denmark since the VICIOUS
THEFT of the Little Mermaid's head. _And_, there was the ever famous
incident in 1995 when someone rammed a bulldozer into a Danish prison freeing
many "hardened" Danish criminals. One escapee gave himself up because he was
"homesick", missed the cushy Danish prison life and wanted to go back
(Awwwwwwww, how sweet!).
