Build Date: Tue Sep 10 23:10:08 2024 UTC
Anyone who capitalizes Punk Rock or Artist, even inside the privacy of their own brain, should be fucking shot.
-- The Compulsive Splicer
UK Government Wants Me DEAD!
2002-08-01 11:48:26
Today it emerged that those DUMB BASTARDS in UK Parliament made another Blunder of Big Proportions! They went and bought the wrong vaccine for small pox!
The plan was to purchase enough small pox vaccine to inject into the pulsing veins of everyone in the "United Kingdom," as a preemptive strike against any ideas those evil Terrorist folks might have.
The problem is though, that the UK Government have purchased massive amounts of vaccine for the strain of small pox known as "Lister" when, in fact, Scientists believe that Terrorists are much more likely to use a entirely different strain of the disease in any planned attacks.
I just know that this is a ploy by the Government to make me dead. They are trying this stuff all the time! I don't know why they go to all this trouble making elaborate plans instead of just sending a guy round to shoot me in the fucking face.
Anyway... Now that the Terrorists know for certain what strain of small pox not to unleash on the people of the UK, and the US Government is laughing at us, I am seriously considering a Hiatus in The Solomon Islands until the air has cleared! To be honest, I know how those Fucknuts in Parliament House feel... I bought the wrong printer cartridge the other day -- the bastards use ambiguous labelling!
I don't know why we do this to myself!
T O P S T O R I E S
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SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
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Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
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The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
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The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
