Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain

     
 

All Stocks ON SALE!
2000-04-14 18:29:05


Treachery
 
The only questions worth asking today are whether humans are going to have any emotions tomorrow, and what the quality of life will be if the answer is no.
-- Lester Bangs

 

Hey folks, have a stock you've been looking for? Want to get in on the stock market, but don't think you've got what it takes? Well, if you're thinking of getting in on stocks, get in now, because you won't want to miss this limited opportunity for BARGAIN BASEMENT PRICES on all stocks - including coveted HIGH-TECH STOCKS!

The prices are so low, we're practically giving them away!

Is this the start of a big crazy bad depression? Or maybe the end of a big crazy bad boom? Is it inflation? Is the Asian markets' collapse finally bringing us down?

Crap, I actually don't care. If you were saving up stocks to like buy a home or retire or something, you're screwed. You should have like turned all your stock into cash, and then spent it all on booze, women and fancy statuettes, like I did! It's like the allegory of the ant and the grasshopper, except that the ant gets stepped on and the grasshopper moves to Florida!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

quintuplet@pigdog.org


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