Build Date: Wed Apr 2 08:00:52 2025 UTC
Hold the conference in France: you can drink alcohol publicly, even near
a school, you can piss on the street, you can argue with cops, you can
teach Darwin's theory of evolution and you can have sex in public places.
-- Stephane Bortzmeyer
Metallica To Fans- Fuck You!
2000-04-14 15:33:42
It should come as no surprise to anyone. But in case you haven't heard the news, former Heavy Metal ass-kickers and current sellout kings, Metallica is suing Napster.
Ever since their so-called Black Album, Metallica has been going down faster than a DC 10. Every year, they've found a brand new way to sell out, and losing more of their fan base that have been following them from the very beginning. With the release of their last literally music-made-for-elevators album, S&M, I knew I wasn't alone in proclaiming that Metallica was no longer a Heavy Metal band, but just another pile of rust to be tossed on the slagheap.
What I did not expect was their willing demonstration to show the world just how much more they were willing to sellout. They are trying to destroy the very tools that made them the Metal Gods they once were.
When Metallica first started out, Heavy Metal was dominated by spandex-sporting' lipstick-wearing, big haired girlyboy bands like Ratt, Cinderella, Poison, and so on. The only way that Metallica gained it's notoriety, was through fans trading tapes with each other. And while the band didn't make a cent, their reputation spread like wildfire. Now, decades later, Metallica wants to stomp the very tools out of existence that not only would keep better bands from being heard, but would give fans a chance to hear how bad they really are now, without having to plunk down an obscene amount of cash.
My prediction: Metallica will continue to operate under the illusion that their music kicks ass, and that no matter how corporate they get, true metal fans will still like them. They will tour with The Backstreet Boys, and sue and sue any fans caught singing their old material for "wanton vandalism of our artistic endeavors".
Don't think it won't happen? Just wait.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
When you've been up all night sampling other Spocktails and guzzling absinthe, you need a morning pick-me-up with some KICK. Time for a tall glass of Blurry Sharp Meltdown! (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
