Celebrity endorsement impersonated

     
 

Godzilla Destroys Bass Brothers, Ft. Worth in ShitStorm Crazy Orgy
2000-03-31 12:28:30


Treachery
 
Wow, this is like a tip you get from Martha Stewart...
-- Johnnie Royale

 

Okay, so I know the "official" statement out of my birthplace is that there was a "tornado", but I have the "inside" scoop on the whole Ft. Worth "incident." My "sister" works in downtown Ft. Worth, and according to her, and a few other "unnamed sources," Godzilla got in a Tizzy Fit and destroyed downtown. As to why this happened, well, that's a long story...

The Bass Brothers own downtown Fort Worth. They made all their money in the 1800s selling smallpox-laden rifle cartridges to the US Cavalry for the Comanche problem. After that, they bought the sleepy old frontier fort, and converted it into a big sleepy CowTown where wayward cowboys could drop off their cattle and screw cheap hookers instead of each other.

About two weeks ago, the Bass Brothers got bored with that and converted all the cattle barns to giant Honking skyscrapers, simultaneously ending the cowboy and cheap hooker era. So, now the Bass Brothers are the quintessential Texas bizzillionaires with big phallic skyscrapers with their names all over them and 900-ft.-long Texas Cadillacs (that's a Chevy Suburban to you uninitiated).

Apparently, Godzilla didn't get the news, because He showed up Tuesday night about 6pm CST with a powerful hunger for beef. Finding nothing to eat and irritated by the Honking skyscrapers, He went into a shitstorm orgy of destruction. My sister watched from the 20th floor of the Bass Towers as 900 ft. Suburbans and Texas bizzillionaires flew all over the place.

You can check out the "official" story at the link below, but you and I both know that when Godzilla comes looking for some downhome Texas barbeque, you better have it ready.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

oarsman@pigdog.org


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