Okay, so I know the "official" statement out of my birthplace is that
there was a "tornado", but I have the "inside" scoop on the whole Ft.
Worth "incident." My "sister" works in downtown Ft. Worth, and according
to her, and a few other "unnamed sources," Godzilla got in a Tizzy Fit and
destroyed downtown. As to why this happened, well, that's a long story...
The Bass Brothers own downtown Fort Worth. They made all their money in
the 1800s selling smallpox-laden rifle cartridges to the US Cavalry for
the Comanche problem. After that, they bought the sleepy old frontier
fort, and converted it into a big sleepy CowTown where wayward cowboys
could drop off their cattle and screw cheap hookers instead of each other.
About two weeks ago, the Bass Brothers got bored with that and converted
all the cattle barns to giant Honking skyscrapers, simultaneously ending
the cowboy and cheap hooker era. So, now the Bass Brothers are the
quintessential Texas bizzillionaires with big phallic skyscrapers with
their names all over them and 900-ft.-long Texas Cadillacs (that's a Chevy
Suburban to you uninitiated).
Apparently, Godzilla didn't get the news, because He showed up Tuesday night
about 6pm CST with a powerful hunger for beef. Finding nothing to eat and
irritated by the Honking skyscrapers, He went into a shitstorm orgy of
destruction. My sister watched from the 20th floor of the Bass Towers as
900 ft. Suburbans and Texas bizzillionaires flew all over the place.
You can check out the "official" story at the link below, but you and I both
know that when Godzilla comes looking for some
downhome Texas barbeque, you better have it ready.
