Build Date: Mon Sep 9 14:30:07 2024 UTC
My mommy was busy selling pez to gutterpunks on University Way trying to convince them it was crack.
-- Gank
Texas is The Reason
2000-01-11 11:18:20
The tale you are about to read will shock and horrify you. It is a story of a person intentionally running over another person with a two-ton Caddy, in cold blood, in front of dozen's of witnesses. The fact that this is a true story is bad enough. What will curdle your blood is that it gets far worse.
Dateline: December 12, 1997 - Amarillo Texas
A group of Punks had had enough of the knuckle-dragging jocks, who in typical primate-like behavior attacked anything that differed from what they perceived as "normal." A massive fight ensued, resulting in one Dustin Camp deciding to use his car as a weapon. Camp ran down a kid named Brian Deneke with enough force to crush his skull & chest, as well as rip the collarbone clean out of his body.
Now here's where it gets worse.
You would expect that with all the witnesses (both in the car and the in parking lot) that this would be an open & shut case. And because it's Texas, Dustin Camp would be spending the rest of his life trying to find the happy place, as his pudgy, pink, hairless anus is invaded and filled with the backed-up semen of a hundred fellow inmates. Instead, local sleazeball and Satan's chief cocksucker & jism-drinker, Warren L. Clark not only got the murder charge dropped down to manslaughter, but made it seem like the victim actually had it coming. I should also mention that Dustin Camp didn't spend a single day behind bars whatsoever.
Currently, Dustin Camp is walking around a free man, probably unrepentant of his crime. His friends cannot understand why people point at him in the street, and why he has to endure the various court-assigned limitations that come with probation. He can't go hunting, go to a party, and has to be home by 10PM every night.
After all, he said he was sorry, what more do you want?
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)