Build Date: Wed Sep 16 01:32:24 2026 UTC
Lithium and Depakote and Neurontin work better.
But I'll admit, drinking is more fun.
-- Joe
Assman Better Have My Money!
1999-08-16 13:18:40
Mr. Bad asks, "Can someone be an Assman if they don't call themselves 'Assman'?" Sure, this may not seem an important distinction, any more than calling a Mennonite "Amish," but it's CRUCIAL to the Assmen themselves. And sometimes, you're an Assman and you don't even know it...
"Christine is a big Assman," Mr. Bad continues. "Like real big. An assmaniacal."
We concur. From the opening KEWL ASSZ MIDI TOON to the javascript ".u.r. entering . christine's . cryb" message, to the GETTIN' JIGGY WIT JESUS links, this page is about as Assy as you can possibly get without being explicit in your statement of Assitude.
Christine, you see, is a Korean girl who writes like a 3LIt3 wAR3Z d00d, SHOUTZ OUT to evry1 wut zup, herez da 411 of diz AZZMAN N TRAENIN':
"obviously i'm an asian and prrrroud of it! hehe, yea, me full blooded -baek puh'cent- Korean, and it seems as tho da FOB world is da newest azn invazn out here. yupyup, whether iss da clothes, or da muzix, or da talk and wateba els dere may be, getting in touch wit pop culture and style is DEFINITELY kikkin in."
OK. Maybe it's unfair to pick out a page like this and just say "ASSMAN! You're an ASSMAN! ADMIT IT!" But there you have it. The Assman knows no mercy. Christine, you're an Assman. Sign up now.
It's not a bad thing. It's an Ass thing. And we need to keep you people quarantined from the rest of us. OK?
T O P S T O R I E S
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America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
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California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
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Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
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Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
Recently Pigdog has received many letters from readers who are apparently puzzled and upset by our regular coverage of the mysterious nation north of our border, Canadia. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
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Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
