Build Date: Fri Jul 11 14:10:53 2025 UTC
I am a Pyramids on Mars expert, not a swing expert!
-- El Snatcher
Assman Better Have My Money!
1999-08-16 13:18:40
Mr. Bad asks, "Can someone be an Assman if they don't call themselves 'Assman'?" Sure, this may not seem an important distinction, any more than calling a Mennonite "Amish," but it's CRUCIAL to the Assmen themselves. And sometimes, you're an Assman and you don't even know it...
"Christine is a big Assman," Mr. Bad continues. "Like real big. An assmaniacal."
We concur. From the opening KEWL ASSZ MIDI TOON to the javascript ".u.r. entering . christine's . cryb" message, to the GETTIN' JIGGY WIT JESUS links, this page is about as Assy as you can possibly get without being explicit in your statement of Assitude.
Christine, you see, is a Korean girl who writes like a 3LIt3 wAR3Z d00d, SHOUTZ OUT to evry1 wut zup, herez da 411 of diz AZZMAN N TRAENIN':
"obviously i'm an asian and prrrroud of it! hehe, yea, me full blooded -baek puh'cent- Korean, and it seems as tho da FOB world is da newest azn invazn out here. yupyup, whether iss da clothes, or da muzix, or da talk and wateba els dere may be, getting in touch wit pop culture and style is DEFINITELY kikkin in."
OK. Maybe it's unfair to pick out a page like this and just say "ASSMAN! You're an ASSMAN! ADMIT IT!" But there you have it. The Assman knows no mercy. Christine, you're an Assman. Sign up now.
It's not a bad thing. It's an Ass thing. And we need to keep you people quarantined from the rest of us. OK?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Another Spocktail brought to you by the selfless beveratologists of Spock Mountain Research Labs. You do the math, we'll do the SCIENCE! (More...)
