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Ugly, or Just Plain Annoying: Pick One

by Tjames Madison

1999-07-12 23:07:37

This site is so mean that I paused for a moment as I started to record it into the Pigdog Data Vault here at Spock Mountain Research Labs: should I put this thing up? Should I give this nasty topfuglypeeps@yahoo.com person credibility?

"Of course you should," said Mr. Bad as he strolled by with a cat-o-nine-tails and a six-pack of Red Bull Energy Drinks. Then he kicked me in the balls. He's a really bad person, and eats people like topfuglypeeps@yahoo.com for lunch.

Anyway, ignore the big disclaimer here about how "this is not a hate site" and "these people are all shining with inner beauty," because whoever does this is just sort of fucked up. Ugly people, page after page of them; no names, just pictures culled from personal web pages, fortunately uncommented: their ugliness or deformity is meant to stand alone as sufficient comment. Unfortunately, it just makes me feel sort of sad for whoever does this site.

Six categories: Big Nose, Dorks, Fiznatties (fat people,) Scary, Ugly and Pretty (the pretty people are there for sort of the same reason football teams keep oxygen tanks on the sidelines.) To be honest, I didn't find all the ugly people all that ugly, for some reason. Whoever does this site has a pretty arbitrary rating system for phsyical beauty: some of the "pretty" girls he features made me want to yak, while some of the ugly ones gave me a stiffy, to be perfectly honest. Maybe I'm just a big, dumb, dogshit-eating hillbilly, but caked-on makeup and big clog shoes don't do much for me. And also, his "fatties" weren't all that terribly fat. I've seen MUCH fatter people on Springer. And his criteria for "dork" seems to be "Hahaha, look at that guy with the goatee!"

I will admit, though, that a lot of the people in the "scary" section are pretty fucking scary looking, but there are enough normal people just sort of going along with their business that get reamed here just for looking "different" in some minor or subliminal way that I proudly award Mr. Ugly Monger the coveted Pigdog "Assman of the Week" Award, even though he probably wasn't even trying to win.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

fabuloso@pigdog.org

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