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The Assman Cometh
1999-05-27 01:26:34


Behold the Assman!
 
Zach is happy and Zach doesn't worry about Alabama schoolgirls. That is because Zach has a secret - he drinks a lot and never leaves the house.
-- Johnnie Royale

 

I used to think that nobody could possibly call themselves something like "Assman," even in a "Hey looka me everybody -- I gotta lampshade onna my head!" self-deprecating, party animal kind of way. But it's true. LOTS of people want to be the Assman. They probably even live closer to you than you THINK, friend!

For instance, look at Stephen "Assman" Payne here. He's wearing a sombrero. He's making a funny face. He's some kind of student. On his resume, he confidently expresses his familiarity with the Windows 3.1 operating system and BASIC programming language. He's interested in HTML, and feels he would bring experience, enthusiasm and attention to detail and quality to your organization.

He's worked with "costly machinery" in the past, he's a friendly and reliable person; he's an Assman.

Let's face it: there probably isn't enough time left on the millenium clock to examine in depth all the Assmen of the Internet before the Y2K problem makes our computers explode, like the newspaper columnists keep saying it will. But here is a solemn pledge: as long as there is a Pigdog, there will always be a place for Assmen, and the Exploits and Wacky Real-Life Adventures of the Assman.

Congratulations to Stephen Payne, Pigdog's Assman of the Week!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

aaron@pigdog.org


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