Build Date: Thu May 1 06:10:46 2025 UTC
I speak five languages. But it doesn't matter, because nobody understands what the hell I'm talking about.
-- Charo
The Assman Cometh
1999-05-27 01:26:34
I used to think that nobody could possibly call themselves something like "Assman," even in a "Hey looka me everybody -- I gotta lampshade onna my head!" self-deprecating, party animal kind of way. But it's true. LOTS of people want to be the Assman. They probably even live closer to you than you THINK, friend!
For instance, look at Stephen "Assman" Payne here. He's wearing a sombrero. He's making a funny face. He's some kind of student. On his resume, he confidently expresses his familiarity with the Windows 3.1 operating system and BASIC programming language. He's interested in HTML, and feels he would bring experience, enthusiasm and attention to detail and quality to your organization.
He's worked with "costly machinery" in the past, he's a friendly and reliable person; he's an Assman.
Let's face it: there probably isn't enough time left on the millenium clock to examine in depth all the Assmen of the Internet before the Y2K problem makes our computers explode, like the newspaper columnists keep saying it will. But here is a solemn pledge: as long as there is a Pigdog, there will always be a place for Assmen, and the Exploits and Wacky Real-Life Adventures of the Assman.
Congratulations to Stephen Payne, Pigdog's Assman of the Week!
T O P S T O R I E S
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
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A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
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Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
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Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
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