Do you want some pie, boy? - Pigdog Journal

     
 

Dry spells no more!
1999-10-04 13:31:10


Substance Recreation
 
OK. What part of "Blah blah, blah BLAH blah" did you people not understand?
-- P a u l

 

We've all had those times where a certain substance is needed for one reason or another, but none can be found. Now, thanks to The Internet and some very enterprising entrepreneurs in a European country, all dry spells are a thing of the past!

The High Shop, located in the Netherlands, will mail to your doorstep any of the products contained in their online catalog, at a very reasonable price. Not only that, but they'll even send you free samples! Sure, there are a couple of minor catches (AdultID check, etc) but for the service they are providing to the world, it's worth it.

Followup:

A concerned Pigdog reader writes to us:

Not that I have "Adult Check" or anything, but isn't The High Shop(ppe?) the place that sells "herbal intoxicants" of a entirely non-cannibus, non-illegal, and non-functional nature?

I could be wrong on this, but I'd hate to see PigDog Journal be sucked by rip-off artists.

We here in Spock Mountain Research Labs can understand your concern. In the particular political climate that we are forced to live in, anything that's fun and/or intoxicating is either outlawed or highly regulated.

But what we have found through our studies is that there are many other ways that one can obtain a state of intoxication without the aid of well-known recreational substances. For example: you can take a trip down to The Mission, and purchase an ounce of Betel nut for a couple of bucks from an Indian grocery shop on Valencia. There are also substances such as Yage, Nutmeg, Calamus Root, Jimson Weed, and enough others to fill an entire book. Our crack chemical team is devoted to exploring all of these, and sharing with you the results.

In this particular case, yes, those substances that they do ship to the United States comply with the codes and legalities of the United States- but that does not mean this is a con. If you are in doubt, there are a few things you can do:

  1. Take advantage of their free sample. If it proves to be ineffective or has any dubious strings attached to it, let us know and we will dispatch our crack team of eliminators who occupy a remote corner of a forgotten Eastern European country to deal with them.
  2. Do your own research and let us know of new and/or wild substances that should be brought to our attention. We will be more than happy to dispatch these with the highest priority to our staff, who will then feed them to our endless stock of runaways to replicate any results you may have had.
  3. Grow or manufacture your own. Not only will this be both profitable to your mind and well being, but you will find that the quality is always known and it will be far less of a con job than, say, attending a renaissance fair.

Thanks for writing.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

laredo@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Solex vs. the Pigdog
by The Compulsive Splicer

Please Continue...
by Baron Earl

Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
by Negative Nancy

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

12-04

El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

More Quickies...