Build Date: Fri May 9 10:00:20 2025 UTC
Oh man, I think I drank some of that with Dr. Biggles many, many years ago when he had more internal organs.
-- Ratsnatcher
Amazon's 'Dash' Button For Doritos Panned By Potheads
2017-03-27 12:13:46
So Amazon sells this button you can put in your house, and every time you press it you buy something from Amazon. No, not a random something -- although that'd be pretty cool. ("What? The Necronomicon?! Aw, I was hoping for a giant horse-head mask...") Instead the Dash button buys you whatever's written on the button. You know, like Doritos. Which of course raises some very important questions for potheads...
Like, once the munchies hit, how long until my Doritos arrive? And will Amazon deliver them by drone? And if I keep hitting the button, will more drones show up? Will they hover outside my window while I laugh maniacally at them, jonesing for faster and faster piano music like that stoner in Reefer Madness?
In a word: no. There's no drones -- Amazon talks a good game, but they haven't actually implemented drone deliveries to rain bags of Doritos from the skies. But what's even more surprising: there's no big bag of Doritos, either. Instead Amazon's Dash button will swamp you with -- I kid you not -- 104 little one-ounce bags.
I guess they think I'm going to be packing school lunches for the next five months...
There is one more option -- 64 little one-ounce bags. (If you're only packing school lunches for two and a half months...) These and other disturbing facts were apparently discovered by two stoners who slipped into Amazon's cheery "Customer Questions & Answers" section. And one of them began by finally saying out loud what's only been whispered about Amazon's target demographic for their Dash button.
"I assume the only people who need a Doritos speed dial are stoned."
There was a second part to the question -- Is the Dash button small enough to attach to a lighter? (And seven other Amazon users voted this question "helpful".) But delightfully, another stoner then showed up to supply the answer: no. It's definitely not small enough to attach to your lighter.
Their definitive pothead opinion about Amazon's Doritos-buying Dash button?
"Don't buy."
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)