Build Date: Tue Oct 22 17:50:11 2024 UTC
When we get to legitimate threats of physical violence... you'll know that we are starting phase two.
-- Johnnie Royale
It's 4/20! Smoke Em if You Got Em!
2000-04-20 17:57:17
So, here's my big conspiracy theory that I just made up: why do so many baddy-bad things seem to keep happening on April 20th? Hmm? Why? The Waco fire, the Oklahoma City bombing, the little disturbance in Littleton -- what's the CONNECTION!?
I'll tell you what the connection is: the MAN is trying to keep us DOWN. All those horrible things are just a big distraction by the PHEDS to try and make people associate FIRE, MURDER, BLOOD and DESTRUCTION with the most wonderful of pothead celebrations, FOUR-TWENTY DAY.
4/20 (just like 4:20, get it?) is this kind of fabulous spontaneous holiday that serious pot smokers take real serious. It's not about self-righteous speeches and medical mari-joo-wanna and all that kind of boring stuff. It's about going to SAN FELIPE or PISMO BEACH with a bunch of other stoneheads in your VAN and taking MONSTER BONG HITS until your hands and feet fall off because you're just way too high. Now THAT is a holiday, my friends! No two ways about it!
OK, that conspiracy theory is pretty much not true. But it sounds good. Anyways, who wants to get all SADDY-SAD and retrospective and shit on 4/20 when you could go out and smoke some BIG GOBS of HASHISH with your friends instead!? What kind of choice is that? No choice at all, I say! Go smoke! Go! Go!
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
