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O.R.C.
2002-06-23 12:25:57


Spocktail of the Week
 
Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine.
-- David Moulton

 

My experiment is a failure. Rockstar-and-Robitussin tastes like day-after-Halloween bile. I'm trying to choke down enough to discover the effects, but no matter what those are one thing is certain at the outset: what I have discovered is not a Beverage, but a pale green and angry iced abomination.

You were right: science is not for the weak of will nor stomach.

I believe I am on to something. What follows are expanded field notes and guidelines for a project that you may be interested in.

It looks like we have an organic system of control, a self-regulating ratio, and the possibility of a proper Beverage. The taste of Robitussen (sub Nyquil) is supremely repulsive -- IN STANDARD DOSES. However, added as you would grenadine to a pleasant Tequila Sunrise, and, my esteemed mentors, we have something interesting.

I will attempt to submit a full report; should mental climate prohibit such, please be advised:

  • Fill chilled beer stein with ice to brim
  • Add 2 or 3 fingers vodka
  • Add 3 or 4 fingers Rockstar
  • Stir or Swizzle -- let settle 10 seconds
  • Add Robitussin DM (sub Nyquil) *slowly*, to taste and color. Go for a nice pale green color, no more. DO NOT STIR.
  • Squeeze lime or lemon juice in to taste; also swipe stein rim with lemon or lime.

INGREDIENTS:

  1. The substitution of Nyquil (NQ) for Robitussin DM (RDM) is a viable option.
    1. NQ exceeds the Dextromethorphan HBr (DXM) content of RDM by 50% (15mg vs. 10mg), DXM being the primary requisite in this recipe;
    2. NQ provides a small but significant amount of Psuedoephedrine HCL, which acts as a counteragent to the drowsiness effect of pure DXM and alcohol;
    3. NQ contains acetaminophen, known counteragent to hangovers;
    4. Despite the above, "Rockstar and Robitussin" sounds much better than "Rockstar and Nyquil" and is therefore the preferred ingredient.

PREPARATION:

  1. You will notice that the RDM or NQ will settle in the classic Tequila Sunrise fashion; this is normal and necessary.
    1. The seepage downward through the Rockstar/Vodka mix will sieve trace amounts of DXM into the topmost area of the Beverage, providing crucial blend of active ingredients;
    2. The flavor of the RDM or NQ is concentrated toward the bottommost area of the Beverage, allowing for some degree of subject taste abatement to occur prior to intake;
    3. The aesthetic value of the overall Beverage is highlighted via the creepy alien fade effect.
  2. The most notable attribute of this Beverage is Organic Ratio Control (O.R.C.).
    1. O.R.C. is a naturally occurring system whereby the proper ratios of ingredients are maintained via subject taste; i.e. the most potent ingredient (DXM) is maintained at survivable levels due to its inherently noxious taste in solution;
    2. While it is possible to override O.R.C., the process and consequences of doing so reveal the subject to be of questionable taste/mental stability;
    3. Those of questionable mental stability should eat a big meal and secure all firearms before proceeding.

DRINKING:

  1. Have at. I found it greatly helpful to start drinking from the side of the stein, where the citrus juice still was, toward the middle of the drink, to cut the sick-sweet Nyquil.
    1. But really, should you have to fight your drink? Why are these countermeasures necessary?
      1. In all truth, I'm now on my second one of these, sans ice, sans lemon, and with some careless proportioning -- and here we have the acid test for this Beverage:
      2. Is it worthwhile in terms of both Means and End? Yes.
      3. Is it drinkable even warm and flat? Yes.
      4. Will it be drinkable up to and beyond Heave Time? It's looking that way, yes.

These are my preliminary findings. I hope they have been useful to you to some degree; I owe PDJ at least that.

I assure you this is my last entry on this topic, PDJ; while I am loathe to presume to partake of your valuable time and that of the undoubtedly preoccupied SMRL staff on this fine Saturday, I am nonetheless compelled to submit my final conclusion regarding this discovery.

Please note the time at which I am writing: 8:28 AM Saturday morning. After extensive testing of the O.R.C. (Organic Ratio Control) Beverage well into the pre-dawn hours, I finally succumbed to sleep: a hard-earned and ill-prepared-for collapse and slumber, fully clothed and bespectacled, Squarepusher CD blaring.

I awoke about 1/2 hour ago, expecting to find, feel, and remember the usual horrors of a long night spent with unholy mixtures; but no -- By Jove I feel great and my room is no more molested than usual.

To summarize:

  1. The O.R.C. Beverage appears to incur minimal, if any, weird lingering effects or hangover. Please refer to Field Notes #2 for possible explanation.
    1. I was born in the mountains and am of high-altitude metabolism. Therefore I am highly susceptible to hangovers when drinking at sea-level, where the O.R.C. Beverage Test was conducted. While further testing is required before a final analysis can be reached, at this time it looks like O.R.C. will be the new Weeknight Special.
  2. Upon my desk is the tail end of last night's last O.R.C.: an inch of vile-green fluid in a greasy looking glass, warm as the overworked stereo beside which it sits, and certainly comprised of careless measures of ingredients. You'd think it would be repulsive at this hour and given its recent history; I think I might finish it off.
    1. Despite the sinister appearance and potential lingering stigma of its peculiar flavor, the O.R.C. goes down quite nice in the early hours of the morning after.

Conclusion: Res Ipsa Loquitur.

Thank you for your time PDJ, and my heartfelt thanks to SMRL, without whose inspiration and exciting Beverotology I'd probably hate school.

yrs,
yehat

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

hapsburg@pigdog.org


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