Build Date: Tue May 12 22:30:12 2026 UTC
Everything was working fine an hour ago, and I didn't break the Internet, honest.
-- Tjames Madison
The Laughing Swede
2002-06-05 10:31:53
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life.
"You must drink!" said the host, and so we did. Tasty they were! So little tiny glasses became empty, were refilled, and were emptied again.
My memories become blurry after that. Discussions with the local Objectivists. A high-powered stereo with no distortion at 120db. People laughing. Heading down to the docks to shoot pool in a longshoreman's bar. Leaving with new friends when the sun was just starting to rise. Waking up sitting on the curb next to my truck with puke on my shoes and no keys or glasses. Later finding both keys and glasses on the front seat of the car. Having a weird feeling that something Very Bad had happened during the black period and that I needed to be out of Seattle before They found me...
I've been searching for that brand of Akvavit ever since, trying to find the one that you can pour down your throat like a liquid ice sword. The kind that inspires adventures of epic proportions.
This week's Spocktail salutes AKVAVIT and little tiny glasses. To make The Laughing Swede you will need:
- Several bottles of Swedish Akvavit
- Small cylindrical glasses, about an inch in diameter and four inches tall
- A flat-bottomed glass bowl
- Crushed ice
- Several large balloons
- A tank of Nitrous Oxide
- Bail money
Put the bottles of Akvavit into the freezer overnight.
Put the glasses into the flat-bottomed bowl and surround them with the crushed ice.
Make sure that the bail money is in your pocket. You will need it later.
Fill three large balloons with Nitrous Oxide.
Fill the small glasses with Akvavit.
Now, in quick succession, drink a glass of Akvavit -- shoot it down. Inhale the contents of the first balloon. Do another shooter. Inhale another balloon. Do another shooter. Inhale another balloon. Make a quick trip to The Land of Else. Say "Hi!" to everyone there. Repeat again until you find a use for the bail money.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
On a hot spring night after dinner and before the night's serious drinking begins, a Romulan Highball really hits the spot. (More...)
The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup
Went to one of the only really enjoyable outdoor concerts I can remember (maybe I didn't enjoy it enough). The finest in dirty hillbilly music: The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup. For those ignorants, Cross Canadian Ragweed is a horrendous allergan in Texas, and it's also a band. In a great show of humility, CCR was the worst major act in their line up. Fortunately, they have talented friends. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
