Do you want some pie, boy? - Pigdog Journal


The Laughing Swede
2002-06-05 10:31:53

Spocktail of the Week
I'm not smug. I just have a list of people I want to see dead.
-- Head-freezin' Gene


About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life.

"You must drink!" said the host, and so we did. Tasty they were! So little tiny glasses became empty, were refilled, and were emptied again.

My memories become blurry after that. Discussions with the local Objectivists. A high-powered stereo with no distortion at 120db. People laughing. Heading down to the docks to shoot pool in a longshoreman's bar. Leaving with new friends when the sun was just starting to rise. Waking up sitting on the curb next to my truck with puke on my shoes and no keys or glasses. Later finding both keys and glasses on the front seat of the car. Having a weird feeling that something Very Bad had happened during the black period and that I needed to be out of Seattle before They found me...

I've been searching for that brand of Akvavit ever since, trying to find the one that you can pour down your throat like a liquid ice sword. The kind that inspires adventures of epic proportions.

This week's Spocktail salutes AKVAVIT and little tiny glasses. To make The Laughing Swede you will need:

  • Several bottles of Swedish Akvavit
  • Small cylindrical glasses, about an inch in diameter and four inches tall
  • A flat-bottomed glass bowl
  • Crushed ice
  • Several large balloons
  • A tank of Nitrous Oxide
  • Bail money

Put the bottles of Akvavit into the freezer overnight.

Put the glasses into the flat-bottomed bowl and surround them with the crushed ice.

Make sure that the bail money is in your pocket. You will need it later.

Fill three large balloons with Nitrous Oxide.

Fill the small glasses with Akvavit.

Now, in quick succession, drink a glass of Akvavit -- shoot it down. Inhale the contents of the first balloon. Do another shooter. Inhale another balloon. Do another shooter. Inhale another balloon. Make a quick trip to The Land of Else. Say "Hi!" to everyone there. Repeat again until you find a use for the bail money.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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