Build Date: Tue Apr 23 22:10:09 2024 UTC
I see a REAL BAD HANGOVER in your IMMEDIATE FUTURE.
-- Head Freezin' Gene
The Inattentive Beachcomber
2002-01-29 21:44:03
Negative Nancy, touring the gin joints of the world, sent us her latest Spocktail creation, The Inattentive Beachcomber, which she concocted and field tested somewhere in South East Asia.
At least we think she tested it and survived long enough to write it up. (That's one of the rules we have here at SMRL forks to ensure that we only bring you the finest cocktails on this or any planet)
Johnnie Royale - Senior Beverotologist - Spock Mountain Research Labs.
I just got back from the FullMoon Party at Hat Rin. It's 7pm and I'm pretty sure I'm still drunk from last night.... err this morning, uh... this afternoon? Anyway, having been very much spoiled by attending Burning Man, I wasn't sure how much fun I could have with 7,000 fucked-up backpackers and 12 hours of thumpa-thumpa music.
Luckily, I was able to whip up a batch of The Inattentive Beachcomber -- enough to keep ICBINJ and myself bobbin along till well after dawn. Only I'm not sure what happened to him after that. I assume he'll wash up somewhere....
Pop the tablet(s). Wash down with plenty of water and maybe a few vitamin Bs. Mix all other ingredients in a sandbucket. Write the name of your guesthouse across you chest in fluorescent paint, tape a 100 Bhat note to the inside of you thigh [taxi fare], and head out to the beach. Try and avoid the Germans. I know, they're everywhere, but really, try.
T O P S T O R I E S
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SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
When you've been up all night sampling other Spocktails and guzzling absinthe, you need a morning pick-me-up with some KICK. Time for a tall glass of Blurry Sharp Meltdown! (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)