Build Date: Tue Dec 3 23:00:15 2024 UTC
I realized at some point that I would have to give up either drinking or driving. It was a very easy decision to make. The next day somebody offered me 1000 dollars for my car. I spent it on food and drinks.
-- Ocha Ha
The Week Between
2000-12-28 16:18:57
Another Spocktail brought to you by the selfless beveratologists of Spock Mountain Research Labs. You do the math, we'll do the SCIENCE!
This week's Spocktail of the Week -- and MAN, if that isn't the biggest misnomer ever, I dunno what is -- is called the Week Between. That's because it's optimized for the week between Xmas and New Years', that kind of dead zone of holiday fun shoehorned between office-party eggnog and large quantities of celebratory shom-pan-yah. This is a time that lacks sufficient alcohol consumption -- a condition that's intolerable to any beveratologist. I mean really.
The problem with this week is that most people end up having to go to work, but don't really have anything to do. There's just not a lot going on this week. So the Week Between kind of fills the void and provides a pleasant diversion from overplay of Zangband at your desk or waiting in line at the Macy's return counter.
I first had a Week Between while working for the Anderson Valley Advertiser as a cub reporter on the International Business desk. Basically, I was paid $25/week to track overseas sales of Boontling dictionaries, second-rate wine and bushels of sweet green bud to Hong Kong cartels and Greek shipping agencies.
My editor was a crusty 75-year-old bastardo with gigantic gray eyebrows who wore tie-dye suspenders and claimed to be in secret communication with Thomas Pynchon. He kept the mixings for Week Betweens in the top left-hand drawer of his desk, right under the bucky walter.
During this dead time we'd sit in his office drinking Week Betweens and he'd harangue me about the Bulgarian Gnostic sects who kept outposts in the area and made signal bonfires on the beach. Once I was completely wasted, I'd go back to my apartment over the feed store in Philo and make up another set of ganja import-and-export tables.
Anyways, here's the recipe for a Week Between. Enjoy!
Ingredients:
Directions:
In a highball glass, mix mustard and hempseed oil. Add vodka and whiskey, then bitters. Garnish with pearl onions.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Place the Lighter on the Ground and Let Us See Your Hands
So I have been thinking on this whole flag burning issue and all the things it could imply. Now a lot of people right now are saying that there are more important issues at stake and something so trivial is a waste of time. Believing such is really losing sight of some very key changes happening in our nation right now. Being a strict conservative, and currently serving in Iraq, I was surprised to find that I am actually appalled that the House approved a ban on flag burning. (More...)