Build Date: Thu Oct 9 04:30:18 2025 UTC
i am so drunk i think Santa is CUTE.
-- rotten elf
Red - It Will Get You Drunk
2000-01-29 17:01:54
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red.
Red gets you drunk in a hurry. It's cheap (unless you buy the expensive vodka), easy to make, and is well... Red.
I haven't had a Red in years (one the bennies of making the big bucks) but I remembered the recipe as I was preparing for Y2K. This is the perfect drink for the post-apocalyptic party I intend to have after the big 9.0 earthquake hit California, or the Gray Aliens invade our sorry planet, or someone finally figures out that all the DotCom companies are a big shell game and are never never gonna make any money and the Stock Market falls like a Lawrencium (atomic weight 103) filled balloon taking the entire Western economic infrastructure with it.
To make Red you need:
- 2 shots of cheap vodka
- 2 heaping tablespoons Artificial Cherry Kool-Aid
- 8 oz. of water
Mix the Kool-Aid and water, add the vodka. Add ice (if the ice machines are still working) and slam it down. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Bing. You're drunk.
You can use other flavors of Kool-Aid beside Cherry, but it wouldn't be Red now if you did that.
This is also a great recipe to take backpacking where weight is an issue. To save on weight you can substitute 190 proof Everclear for the 80 proof vodka - meaning that you only have to bring half as much liquor for the same BANG. Also, You'll need to bring a water purifier with you, as you're diluting the Everclear too much to insure that you'll kill all the bacteria found in backwoods streams and lakes. You'll want water purifier as you'll want to have plenty of water available for that big as the whole outdoors hangover you are gonna have the next morning.
Enjoy.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
