Build Date: Wed Sep 9 22:32:29 2026 UTC
Three words: LITERALIST FUCKHEAD DONUTS. You've been eating too many and you have literalist fuckhead jelly all over your literalist fuckhead face.
-- Mr. Bad
Red - It Will Get You Drunk
2000-01-29 17:01:54
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red.
Red gets you drunk in a hurry. It's cheap (unless you buy the expensive vodka), easy to make, and is well... Red.
I haven't had a Red in years (one the bennies of making the big bucks) but I remembered the recipe as I was preparing for Y2K. This is the perfect drink for the post-apocalyptic party I intend to have after the big 9.0 earthquake hit California, or the Gray Aliens invade our sorry planet, or someone finally figures out that all the DotCom companies are a big shell game and are never never gonna make any money and the Stock Market falls like a Lawrencium (atomic weight 103) filled balloon taking the entire Western economic infrastructure with it.
To make Red you need:
- 2 shots of cheap vodka
- 2 heaping tablespoons Artificial Cherry Kool-Aid
- 8 oz. of water
Mix the Kool-Aid and water, add the vodka. Add ice (if the ice machines are still working) and slam it down. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Bing. You're drunk.
You can use other flavors of Kool-Aid beside Cherry, but it wouldn't be Red now if you did that.
This is also a great recipe to take backpacking where weight is an issue. To save on weight you can substitute 190 proof Everclear for the 80 proof vodka - meaning that you only have to bring half as much liquor for the same BANG. Also, You'll need to bring a water purifier with you, as you're diluting the Everclear too much to insure that you'll kill all the bacteria found in backwoods streams and lakes. You'll want water purifier as you'll want to have plenty of water available for that big as the whole outdoors hangover you are gonna have the next morning.
Enjoy.
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