Build Date: Fri Jan 23 03:50:12 2026 UTC
I sense an excellent opportunity to get senselessly drunk.
-- Head-freezin' Gene
Red - It Will Get You Drunk
2000-01-29 17:01:54
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red.
Red gets you drunk in a hurry. It's cheap (unless you buy the expensive vodka), easy to make, and is well... Red.
I haven't had a Red in years (one the bennies of making the big bucks) but I remembered the recipe as I was preparing for Y2K. This is the perfect drink for the post-apocalyptic party I intend to have after the big 9.0 earthquake hit California, or the Gray Aliens invade our sorry planet, or someone finally figures out that all the DotCom companies are a big shell game and are never never gonna make any money and the Stock Market falls like a Lawrencium (atomic weight 103) filled balloon taking the entire Western economic infrastructure with it.
To make Red you need:
- 2 shots of cheap vodka
- 2 heaping tablespoons Artificial Cherry Kool-Aid
- 8 oz. of water
Mix the Kool-Aid and water, add the vodka. Add ice (if the ice machines are still working) and slam it down. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Bing. You're drunk.
You can use other flavors of Kool-Aid beside Cherry, but it wouldn't be Red now if you did that.
This is also a great recipe to take backpacking where weight is an issue. To save on weight you can substitute 190 proof Everclear for the 80 proof vodka - meaning that you only have to bring half as much liquor for the same BANG. Also, You'll need to bring a water purifier with you, as you're diluting the Everclear too much to insure that you'll kill all the bacteria found in backwoods streams and lakes. You'll want water purifier as you'll want to have plenty of water available for that big as the whole outdoors hangover you are gonna have the next morning.
Enjoy.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
