Build Date: Thu Sep 4 00:20:11 2025 UTC
Mankind is basically a battlefield... a dark cellar in which a well-bred spinster lady and a sex crazed monkey are forever engaged in mortal combat, the struggle being refereed by a rather nervous bank clerk.
-- D. Bannister
Krazy Kraftwerkish Swedes Love Spocko!
2000-03-13 10:51:25
It's true! Everybody loves Spock-o, of course, but nobody loves Spock-o like the crazy-ass citizens of the Kingdom of Sweden. And the Kraftwerkish lyrical stylings of silvery S.P.O.C.K just go to prove it!
Sure, there are a ton of bands with names that include the name of SPOCK, and most of them suck big rhino wangers. Like, they all ABUSE the Spock name without actually talking much about Spock. Which I think is criminal, dammit! You go buy a record album at the local Sam Goody outlet with the name SPOCK on the cover, and when you get home you expect to find inside some catchy melodies and heartfelt lyrics relating to SPOCK, and instead it's all about being SAD and ALTERNO and having dumb girlfriends and shit like that. It's infuriating! When I buy a box of SPOCK, I expect it to have some non-zero percentage of SPOCK INSIDE, despite any settling that may have occurred during shipping. GAR GAR GAR!
That is why the super-Euro Dieter band S.P.O.C.K is such a resounding relief for Spock-lovers everywhere. They've been recording songs that are CHOCK FULL OF SPOCK for 12 years now! Songs like "Never Trust a Klingon" and "Dr. McCoy" are INHERENTLY SPOCKISH. Yeah, they've got some of that Star Track stuff going on, which I pretty much don't understand since I never saw the Analkin Skywalker Star Track movies, but they make up for it by making important references to SPOCK. How could that be wrong?
The current line up includes Android, Yo-haan and Crull-E, and if you go to this site and look around you'll figure that these fellas are some kind of evil Scandinavian motorcycle gang, since they don't look scary and intellectual and techno like, say, KRAFTWERK. But LOOK A LITTLE CLOSER. They wear BIG SILVER JUMPSUITS and FLY-EYE SHADES, and have big "Wild One" haircuts. Jesus, man! They carry goddamn PHASERS, for crying in a bucket!
The music, of course, is hard to describe. S.P.O.C.K plays synth-heavy EIGHTIES-style art rock techno, and they have creepy-ass Dieter Swede accents. Which is how you know it's ART, and they're not just shit-house crazy. Although the two aren't necessarily incompatible.
The S.P.O.C.K page has lots of pitchers and data and information and such, and you can spend a long time dicking around there instead of filling out those first-quarter reports that your boss wanted last Thursday. The only problem I gots with the S.P.O.C.K site is that they don't carry enough MP3 musical stylings on the site. Where are the MP3s? That is what I'd like to know. But if you are interested in Spock music (and S.P.O.C.K music), you can always go dick around on Napster and find a song or so.
Beaujolais for S.P.O.C.K!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Owner of 6 Medical Marijuana Dispensaries Arrested
Reefer madness or a government fabrication? (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
