Build Date: Thu May 1 02:40:45 2025 UTC
Rule 1: The world is not fair.
Rule 2: The world does not care.
-- Negative Nancy
Kooky Chinese Use Condoms As Balloons!
1999-06-18 16:12:25
Boy, you sure have to hand it to the Chinese when it comes to fun! China has taken our prophylactic technology and moved it one step further...
"Unlike you Stupid Americans, we know how to make sex education fun!" said a Chinese health expert.
"In your country you stick condom on boring banana, in ours we make fun time balloons!!"
Apparently, in an effort to compete against the U.S. in another "sensitive" area, the Chinese are concentrating all their energies on making sure that they are one step ahead of the game in prophylactic application and contraceptive fun.
The Chinese Premiere stated, "The people of China have been mobilized! We will not be left behind! We will be in the forefront of this new contraceptive fun, and we will be the world leaders in this field!" After which he proved his point by blowing up a French tickler balloon with a K-Y jelly smiley face painted upon it.
After one spirited rally, a student was quoted as saying, "We used to think that we should keep them hidden and only bring them out in the dark, but now we know we can play with them openly and laugh and giggle!"
Time will only tell if this new Commie tactic will work, but the U.S. had better watch over its shoulder in this ever competitive field.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)