Build Date: Wed Sep 3 01:30:13 2025 UTC
I prefer the more politically correct term, "Gun Nut."
-- Squid
State of Jefferson, Eh?
2000-06-03 15:02:27
So, California is a BIG state. Like, a REALLY big state. There's just a lot of stuff here. A lot of people, a lot of land. And the folks in Jefferson want to take part of that away. Beaujolais for them!
Every once in a while I have to make the trip from the lovely and talented San Francisco Bay Area to one of the dismal, rain-drenched burgs of the Pacific Northwest. The best way to do this, of course, is to drive the immense and lonely highway known as Highway 5, the Highway at the End of the America, which travels through the sparse and rocky country of Northern California.
We in SF think that we are "Northern California," but really we're almost exactly halfway between the Mexican and Oregon borders. The REAL Northern Cal is just barely agricultural -- mostly big Federal and state parks interspersed with ostrich farms, clear cuts, and tiny inbred bucktooth villages. It's the backwash of the American westward migration -- an eddy in the flow of world progress. It's the loneliest place I regularly go to.
Anyways, part of the drive through Northern California is seeing the Jefferson State Barn, a big ol' piece of tin on the side of the road with the words "Welcome to the State of Jefferson" written on the roof. There's a big ass metal bull, like about 18 feet tall, right next to it. It's pretty freaky, man.
We had this proposition on the California ballot a few years ago that would separate California between North and South into two separate states. San Franciscans loved it until they found out that the dividing line was somewhere north of Santa Rosa. In other words, WE would be stuck with LA. Fuck that! If we have to stay here, those crazy bucktooth hillbillies have to stay here, too! The prop went down in terrible defeat.
I've always figured that the "State of Jefferson" sign had something to do with that proposition. But last time I went down Highway 5, there was a big Earl on the Jefferson barn. After checking out the Web site (linked below) I found out that the Deep North has been a HOTBED of SEPARATISM for over 50 years! It's a little treasonous haven for horrible loggers-cum-revolutionaries. Those crazy folks are gonna separate off if it kills all of us.
Beaujolais for them!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Datelined "Historic Mariposa," the fateful press release came in like an angry wind, announcing the release of a self-produced album, "Ordinary Hero," by occasional Pigdog contributor Thom Stark, in the language and tone of a Major Event, setting off a brief firestorm around the pigdog mailing list. (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
