Build Date: Thu Nov 27 23:10:10 2025 UTC
Man, what a shitty week I am having... grumpy doesn't even begin to describe my mood. Chachi, say something stupid so I can yell at you.
-- Johnnie Royale
Freedom Needs a Champion
2001-04-10 01:21:11
Well, they've opened up the nominations again, folks. And once again FREEDOM needs your help. Just a second of your time, a brief email, and the shackles holding down the INNURNET can be BROKEN. Do your job for liberty!
Long-time readers (do you really exist? Freaks!) will remember the open nominations for citizen members of the United States Patent and Trademark Office's Patent Public Advisory Committee ("USPTO-PPAC" -- take THAT acronym to the fuckin' bank!). PPAC is the main input point for actual non-bureaucrat human beings to make changes in patent policy in the US. Well, OK, PPAC, and buying a senator. But senators aren't as cheap as they used to be -- even the ones from pig-raising states of the Midwest are getting pretty damn pricey. So PPAC is pretty much the main input point for real humans.
Anyways, you can imagine how this board is normally packed -- with IP lawyers, CEOs, business-friendly university professors and the like. I mean, check out last year's committee. Anyone on there look like they understand Shit One about Information Freedom? Or that they would care if they did?
The fact is that the PPAC is like practically the ONLY POSSIBILITY of getting the voice of reason and liberty heard in the halls of the US-PTO. Patents are killing free information, and enemies of freedom have already said that they're setting PATENT TRAPS to undermine Free Software, limit free expression, and generally FUCK YOUR LIBERTY in the ear like a LATEX SEX DOLL. 13,000 patents per year are given out by the US-PTO! Software patents are going through the roof! Business-plan patents! All kinds of patents! It's horrible!
The HORROR is that granting of patents, and expecially intellectual property patents, is giving away a monopoly on a corner of the infosphere. It gives one group of people the right to put up fences around ideas, concepts, and practices, and keep the rest of us out. In a perfect world, this would be bad enough, but in the real world, patents are given out for practically anything under the sun. It's like someone's putting a fence around YOUR HOUSE and YOUR SCHOOL and YOUR LAUNDROMAT and not letting you in or out or around and it's wrong and there's nothing you can do.
Not only that, but software and other IP patents make a powerful tool for the powerful. Patent threats are a BIG STICK and even if the patent is lame and wrong, individuals and small groups will always have a hard time defending themselves in court, either against infringement suits or to challenge the patents. It's just one more tool in the toolbox of litigious bastardos to SHUT YOU UP. Fuck that! Fuck software patents!
Last year, around this time, I published another article describing how to nominate people for the PPAC. It had all the necessary information for people to nominate. This year, the info has changed slightly, so you should check out the instructions linked at the bottom of this page.
Basically, all you have to do is send the nomination with a name, brief description, and URL or text of a resume to PPACnomination@uspto.gov. Just an EMAIL! You probably send 30 to 40 of these things a day. How about sending one to some stooge at the US-PTO, eh? Just one or two? Hell, it's quick and easy.
Can't think of who to nominate? Here's the list of people I suggested last year, with resume links:
I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who can think of more, and if you do, send me some mail with their name and resume/bio URL, and I'll add their name to this list for other people.
The deadline for submissions is APRIL 12th, 2001, which means that you should get that mail out RIGHT NOW. NOW! Do it! Schnell, schnell! Freedom's window closes quick!

T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)