Build Date: Sat Mar 15 10:00:52 2025 UTC
(if this is a hallucination i'm enjoying it immensely.)
-- rotten elf
Canadian Army Developing Combat Super-bras
1999-03-11 01:25:00
Imagine humping 25 miles a day and then having to violently fling yourself into an enemy foxhole or tunnel, wildly stabbing everyone you encounter with your steely bayonet. Imagine doing that every single day for a week--without showering, without changing your clothes. Imagine that you are Canadian, and you have huge tits!
In preparation for its ultimate conflict with the United States, Canadia is re-outfitting its troops. The old colonial-era red coats and "Mounty" uniforms are being updated, and now that women have been heavily recruited into the Canadian armed forces a more rugged alternative to the standard-issue, socialized-civilian brassier is required.
The new Canadian "bullet bras" will keep each breast pointed out to left and right sides, respectively, in order to keep chaffing down to a minimum during frenzied hand-to-hand combat situations and extended marches. Instead of usual thin straps that tend to cut into the shoulder blades under heavy stress, the new Canadian military bras will have the same straps that are used for hand-loading AIM-54 missiles onto F16 fighter jets.
Pretty cool, actually...
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)