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Canadian Army Developing Combat Super-bras
1999-03-11 01:25:00


Scary Technology
 
I think that I'm no longer treading water, but being swept downstream.
-- Juggler Vain

 

Imagine humping 25 miles a day and then having to violently fling yourself into an enemy foxhole or tunnel, wildly stabbing everyone you encounter with your steely bayonet. Imagine doing that every single day for a week--without showering, without changing your clothes. Imagine that you are Canadian, and you have huge tits!

In preparation for its ultimate conflict with the United States, Canadia is re-outfitting its troops. The old colonial-era red coats and "Mounty" uniforms are being updated, and now that women have been heavily recruited into the Canadian armed forces a more rugged alternative to the standard-issue, socialized-civilian brassier is required.

The new Canadian "bullet bras" will keep each breast pointed out to left and right sides, respectively, in order to keep chaffing down to a minimum during frenzied hand-to-hand combat situations and extended marches. Instead of usual thin straps that tend to cut into the shoulder blades under heavy stress, the new Canadian military bras will have the same straps that are used for hand-loading AIM-54 missiles onto F16 fighter jets.

Pretty cool, actually...

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

runcible@pigdog.org


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