Do you want some pie, boy? - Pigdog Journal

     
 

The Johnnie Royale Game
2004-12-30 10:18:49


Scary Technology
 
Behind every pathetic worthless loser of a man is a woman who figured his sorry ass out and stabbed him in the back.
-- The Compulsive Splicer

 

Ok, so this isn't the really the Johnnie Royale game, in fact, the author of this little Flash page not only doesn't know who in the hell I am, but happens to live somewhere in Eastern Europe, not that there is anything wrong with Eastern Europe, just that it's a long way away and I've never been. And since I'm jumping off this rather pathetic article with disclaimers, I might as well mention that our own esteemed Frank Jones was the PDJer that discovered this applet and laughingly named it after me.

Mainly because Frank thinks I'm a big drunk...and I have a hard time arguing with that, but for the record I'd like to point out that I'm not the biggest drunk in Frank's universe and offer up the evidence from our latest pub crawl where I was the drunk Santa that had to pull the really drunk Santa out of the bathroom at HaRa and then tip the bartender $40 so the really drunk Santa could pass out on the on the floor and sleep it off. Me, I've never passed out in a bar...unless you count that time in England...but that was England and it wasn't like I was the only one.

Ideally it would be Frank writing up this article up as not only is he funnier than me, checks his facts and knows how to spell...which is a bonus for professional writers like us...or him. I'm clearly more of a professional drunk than a professional writer. Sadly, tho', I'm all you got as Frank has been busy as of late. Doing what I do not know, but I'm sure it is important enough to justify that fifty year sabbatical he seems to be on. I mean how hard would it be to for him to slap down a half a dozen paragraphs a couple of times a month? Well, whatever Frank is doing instead of writing for the PDJ I'm sure someday there will make national headlines and all the news networks go into crisis mode shock and awe coverage while the anchors mull over end of the world scenarios with the usual cast of talking head idiots and make pronouncements with a good deal of righteous disgust and a twinge of fear in their voices. Or not.

Anyway, I digress, which I am wont to do and another reason why I should never ever be allowed to post on the PDJ. So where was I? Oh yeah, the Johnnie Royale Game. In a nutshell the game pretty much sucks. The object of the game is to see how far you can get the drunk to wander down the street with out passing out--using the mouse to try and fight the effects of gravity and overpowering force of alcohol. The mouse controls suck and are very twichy (especially if you yourself are also drunk) and this flash game is really just a one joke pony. Or something.

Personally, this is a game I'd rather play for real right now than sitting behind a computer at work. Sadly, "they" frown on me consuming mass qualities of alcohol in the office and then staggering around, falling on top of the super elite lawyers and big shot CEOs that seem to inhabit the building I work in. Which is too bad as that sounds like double fun...at least up to the point where the building's rent-a-cops show up. Anywho, I sure am glad that New Years is coming up fast. Mmmmm, utter intoxication, I can hardly wait.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

dunsmuir@pigdog.org


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