Ok, so this isn't the really the Johnnie Royale game, in fact, the author
of this little Flash page not only doesn't know who in the hell I am, but
happens to live somewhere in Eastern Europe, not that there is anything
wrong with Eastern Europe, just that it's a long way away and I've never
been. And since I'm jumping off this rather pathetic article with
disclaimers, I might as well mention that our own esteemed Frank Jones was
the PDJer that discovered this applet and laughingly named it after me.
Mainly because Frank thinks I'm a big drunk...and I have a hard time
arguing with that, but for the record I'd like to point out that I'm not
the biggest drunk in Frank's universe and offer up the evidence from our
latest pub crawl where I was the drunk Santa that had to pull the really
drunk Santa out of the bathroom at HaRa and then tip the bartender $40 so
the really drunk Santa could pass out on the on the floor and sleep it
off. Me, I've never passed out in a bar...unless you count that time in
England...but that was England and it wasn't like I was the only one.
Ideally it would be Frank writing up this article up as not only is he
funnier than me, checks his facts and knows how to spell...which is a
bonus for professional writers like us...or him. I'm clearly more of a
professional drunk than a professional writer. Sadly, tho', I'm all you
got as Frank has been busy as of late. Doing what I do not know, but I'm
sure it is important enough to justify that fifty year sabbatical he seems
to be on. I mean how hard would it be to for him to slap down a half a
dozen paragraphs a couple of times a month? Well, whatever Frank is doing
instead of writing for the PDJ I'm sure someday there will make national
headlines and all the news networks go into crisis mode shock and awe
coverage while the anchors mull over end of the world scenarios with the
usual cast of talking head idiots and make pronouncements with a good deal
of righteous disgust and a twinge of fear in their voices. Or not.
Anyway, I digress, which I am wont to do and another reason why I should
never ever be allowed to post on the PDJ. So where was I? Oh yeah, the
Johnnie Royale Game. In a nutshell the game pretty much sucks. The
object of the game is to see how far you can get the drunk to wander down
the street with out passing out--using the mouse to try and fight the
effects of gravity and overpowering force of alcohol. The mouse controls
suck and are very twichy (especially if you yourself are also drunk) and
this flash game is really just a one joke pony. Or something.
Personally, this is a game I'd rather play for real right now than sitting
behind a computer at work. Sadly, "they" frown on me consuming mass
qualities of alcohol in the office and then staggering around, falling on
top of the super elite lawyers and big shot CEOs that seem to inhabit the
building I work in. Which is too bad as that sounds like double fun...at
least up to the point where the building's rent-a-cops show up. Anywho,
I sure am glad that New Years is coming up fast. Mmmmm, utter intoxication,
I can hardly wait.
