Build Date: Fri Oct 17 16:20:10 2025 UTC
You let yourself get sober. Rookie move.
-- Johnnie Royale
Santa's 2001 Official FAA Flight Clearance
2001-12-17 15:50:43
As most people are aware, War against Terror and Drugs and other Bad things has resulted in a monumental shift in American security precautions as we now face the threat of military trials and executions for disobeying President Bush and Attorney General John Ashcroft. This heightened security also threatens to cancel Santa Claus' annual delivery of presents -- many people who are paid to worry about such things were concerned about just how much damage a sleigh filled with 50,000,000 toys could do if it missed a roof top and plowed into the side of a building.
Fortunately, the Grinch that is our Attorney General realized his cover as America's top lawyer would be blown if he cancelled Christmas before finishing the necessary steps in brainwashing the US population into believing that all "good" Americans should wear tracking collars, take weekly loyalty oaths and submit to random body cavity searches when using public transit or the Internet. To avoid public outcry, the administration has ordered the FAA to file a flight plan for Santa.
And I'm damn glad about that as I'm hoping that Santa finally comes through for me this year. I've asked for more civil liberties. However, based on the results of my previous requests for world peace and an unlimited supply of Danish vodka, I'm not very optimistic.
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Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
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The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
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