As most people are aware, War against Terror and Drugs and other Bad things has resulted
in a monumental shift in American security precautions as we now face the threat of
military trials and executions for disobeying President Bush and Attorney General John
Ashcroft. This heightened security also threatens to cancel Santa Claus' annual
delivery of presents -- many people who are paid to worry about such things were
concerned about just how much damage a sleigh filled with 50,000,000 toys could do if it
missed a roof top and plowed into the side of a building.
Fortunately, the Grinch that is our
Attorney General realized his cover as America's top lawyer would be blown if he
cancelled Christmas before finishing the necessary steps in brainwashing the US
population into believing that all "good" Americans should wear tracking collars, take
weekly loyalty oaths and submit to random body cavity searches when using public transit
or the Internet. To avoid public outcry, the administration has ordered the FAA to file
a flight plan for Santa.
And I'm damn glad about that as I'm hoping that Santa finally comes through for me this
year. I've asked for more civil liberties. However, based on the results of my previous
requests for world peace and an unlimited supply of Danish vodka, I'm not very
optimistic.
