Omni Development president Wil Shipley finds the most
difficult part of his break-up with net-celebrity Kim
Rollins is her unavailability for conversation. Shipley
expressed surprise in an on-line essay. "I always
assumed that the hardest thing would be the no sex...."
Day Five of Shipley's on-line journal sheds new light on
his ongoing recovery process. Shipley also reports
watching the new Star Wars trailer with "the guys" four
times, once frame-by-frame. "[A]lthough sadness was
always with me, I could feel other emotions as well. Oh
thank god."
The ninth journal entry since Tuesday seems to indicate
Shipley's condition has improved somewhat. "After being
in hell, purgatory just seems so nice," Shipley writes.
"Last night, just before I fell asleep, I could feel
happiness waiting for me at the end of all this...."
"Of course, that may have been the Zoloft talking."
A doctor prescribed the anti-depressant for Shipley
earlier this week -- and Shipley has noticed a tangible
improvement in his mood. "I haven't had a real panic
attack since yesterday at about 5 p.m., which is a
record." Which he credits to Rollins' final departure,
his resolution to be strong for her -- and Zoloft. Ms.
Rollins made a final visit to retrieve her cat Friday
evening at 10:30 p.m.
Still, Shipley notes that this new-found optimism has
its limits. "If I think about forever without her, it's
curl-up-in-a-fetal-ball-panting time." In fact, after
taking a three-hour nap Saturday, the panic returned.
"It's not fair -- there wasn't a catalyst, unless
napping causes panic."
A supplemental paragraph on why "Panic sucks" is also
included in the on-line journal -- along with memories
of his years with Rollins. "[O]ne year she bought a pack
of Lion King Valentine's cards and made them all out to
me and scattered them around for me to find." Now
Shipley faces a series of painful if-only's.
For example: "If only I had started this drug earlier, I
wouldn't have been so bitter and scared of life and
completely wrapped up in my own neurosis, and I could
have been a real partner to her."
