Build Date: Thu Nov 6 21:40:47 2025 UTC
"Fritos." "Cheetos." "Doritos." Can't you SEE?!? Wake UP, America!
-- Mr. Bad
War on Terror produces excess inventory of doomsday ready laptops
2006-08-08 11:23:05
The War on Terror has resulted in a rush of new technology useful to the general population.
Technologically, the War on Terror has been a blessing. I'm not talking about the new high-tech methods of heroin smuggling. I'm talking about about the technology developed for 21st century guerilla warfare.
Take the Roomba for example. There is no way in hell that anyone would have taken the time to develop a robot that motors along while remembering where it has already been without the War on Terror. If it hadn't been for Bin Laden, my carpet would still be a disaster and my dog would be chasing his own tail instead of his Roomba. Thank you, terrorists.
Another technological advance I credit to the War on Terror is the rise of cheap digital cameras. Before the toppling of Saddam Hussein, digital cameras were still more expensive than conventional film cameras. However, the demand for digital images of terrorists beheading journalists and soldiers dragging Abu-Ghraib prisoners through dog doo-doo has drastically driven the digicam market.
Let us not forget the Hummer, whose popularity jumped enormously due to people being afraid of terrorists. Long gone are the days in which a gallon per mile city mileage rating coupled with $3/gallon gas is scarier than a downtown rocket-propelled grenade attack. As an added bonus, GPS systems are pre-installed so that civilians will never have to worry about accidentally driving through a bad neighborhood.
The only technological advance that has personally helped me is the indestructible laptop. Itronix sent thousands of these to the Gulf and now they are coming back and showing themselves on eBay. I paid a shade over $200 for one and let me tell you, it is very hard to break. I tried throwing it out of a moving car and it still kept playing Seven Samurais. Can I use it in the bathtub? No problem, although it doesn't exactly float. It's also great for breaking down stubborn doors, as a garden tool, and can be conveniently put away in the freezer.
Now I just need to wait it out until the Hummer laptops start showing up on ebay.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it. (More...)
Pigdog Journal's crack interview team gangs up on avant-garde Dutch musician SOLEX; bad craziness ensues. Yet another fabulous PIGDOG INTERVIEW. For REAL. (More...)
