Build Date: Fri Feb 14 11:50:16 2025 UTC
All Bad People of the Future had shitty lives as Miserable People of the Past.
-- Johnnie Royale
Prescription tweeds cashed
2001-05-14 22:21:07
It is time to scrape your pipe for that resin glob, looks like Uncle Sam just fucked us over again.
Many of you are sitting out there with your 166 hydro plants sparked out with sun lamps, lighting up a fat one thinking "Ding? Ding? Uhh... oh shit, damn, microwave." Well, the time to slack is no more, millions of marijuana addicts are regulated to getting weed in dime bags from the local street gang again with the challenge to the 6 different medical marijuana suppliers in California backed by Monday's supreme court ruling.
For those of you not from California, the medical marijuana companies, I mean, "care providers" have recruited hundreds of local yokels in the Northern California area to grow mass pounds of weed in their backyards. These bushels of dank are shipped to the medical marijuana facilities some 90 to 300 miles in the North/South direction where it is properly manicured, packaged, and sold as the "Northern Ice," "Purple Crush," or "Big Blue Bubble Berry" variety of tweed cluster. Patrons of the various hooter hospitals, usually a normal looking club made from a transformed bar or pizza parlor, carry a range of ID cards allowing them to buy weed, smoke weed, and not have their weed confiscated by police.
The only court case in which proposition 215 weed was not returned to the owner had to do with a Garberville man who couldn't get his ounce back after being caught with it in a traffic stop. This was because the man was accused of transportation of drugs instead of simple possession. As well, cops refused to return the 84 plants they seized from his home, even though he kept all his medical papers in proper order. Cases like his have been central to heated debate about what constitutes compassionate use, what a legal prescription for marijuana is, and if US law supercedes California law in the matter.
Well, fuck this! People, don't let something we voted for as Californians get fucked up by the moral majority! Urge your AIDS patient friends not to chop their plants down prematurely because of this ruling. Demand that your local police follow the guidelines set down by proposition 215 and not today's ruling. Inform others about the beneficial effects of good weed and that really sick people need to get all goofy so they can sit down, eat, watch tv and keep living to see another day.
T O P S T O R I E S
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The Once & Future King of Dust
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Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
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Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
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In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)