Mobile Operations Machine, Multiuser Interactive Edition

DISCLAIMER: This information is for educationalism. Do not try this at home. I am not responsible for you or your actions.

Did you know that you can make psilocybin jello with tequila, absinthe, AND weed? If you don't mind goat skins/hooves/horse hooves/hide/cow teeth/acid then you always have room for jello. Steam the decagram of psilocybin mushrooms your picked from your local cow-patty/neighbor's lawn/coastal doug fir mulch in tyson soil (or bought) for 3 minutes under high steam and take them out of the steamer and pat them down with a napkin. Oh yeah, do this two weeks after you cut absinthe with tequila and soak half an ounce of pot in the mixture. Strain the pot out and make it into butter. Make the jello with mostly alcohol and some tang. DO NOT USE ICE. Throw the steamed and chopped mushrooms into the mixture. Eat this.

Pot butter I see so often made incorrectly. You don't simply drop a bunch of butter in a frying pan with your half-eighth of tweeds. Nonono. wtf is wrong with these people? You get this stuff called ``shake.'' Ask your local street corner bums about such material. It is readily available by the pantsload in most areas of the civilized (california) world. Mix your giant bag of shake with WATER AND BUTTER. Water and butter actually do mix together. Trust me. Heat them both up and stir the mixture of about one kilogram of leaves to twelve cups of water/butter. After one hour of slow boiling and constant stirring wait about two minutes and dump the whole mess through a cheese cloth without burning your hands. Put this in the freezer for forty-five minutes. The dark-green butter will rise to the top of the mixture, remove this and have some dunce drink the remaining water.

I am the leader in high powered technology for the fiscally retarded.

First you must find a cheap, surplus, out of production laptop. Pick up a web browser and search the web for surplus, notebook, refurbished, and a brand if you wish. Try not to spend more than $200 and if possible stay under $400. B&W screens are a _good_ thing. So is dual-scan. Try to get a good sound board if possible. If not, get a good pcmcia one and disable the built in one in BIOS. Upgrade the hard disk on said system. Search the web for the exact model of hard disk and the desired GB range. I have found that several out of production laptops of the 1995 age still have vendors which supply 10GB internal hard disks for under $1000. Upgrade the RAM. I don't care where you get it. Go to San Jose if you have to. Get one of those external batteries. Install some version of linux. Ok, now get two of those miniature microphones and a 1/8" stereo Y-adapter. Plug the mics into your line-input or microphone plug if you did not get line input with your sound board. Download yarec,mpg123, and bladeenc. Set those up with a script that will automatically convert all files you make into mp3 with some command like blee * where blee is bladeenc -prio=LOW $1

be sure to chmod +x blee you might want to make some script to remove the .wav files too.

Like it or not, get IBM Via Voice beta for linux download this and set it up to nice yarec -r 44100 -b 16 -t 30 message01.wav through message99.wav with the numbers zero - one -- ninety - nine (yarec -rc 44100 -b 16 -t 30 message0...1.wav)

Input messages with the device in your bag, with the microphone cords strung into your sleeves in order to record covertly (illegally, I suppose). Loiter in busy areas with lots of people sitting and talking.

When you are asleep, connect your laptop to the internet and allow access to all your files with scp encoded with a pgp key available through e-mail authentication. That is, set up a cgi-bin to invoke gpg encryption and export of the mp3 private key after receiving public encryption key in POST form.

This can have all sorts of uses, from updating drug prices in your local area to spying on politicians by loitering near city hall.