Build Date: Mon Sep 7 18:10:07 2026 UTC
There would be a fucking miracle of god if that's what it took to ruin my day
-- Negative Nancy
NEERRRDDDDD!!!!
1999-10-05 22:00:45
Man, you know people who FETISHIZE stupid TV shows beyond the point of cute and clever into the realm of FEVERISH and UNHEALTHY!? You know people like that? I hate them, don't you? And yet, I have become one. Augh, the tragedy!
So, why is it that I love Futurama so much? I dunno. At my company we work with this sick metadatur standard called IMS (trust me, don't follow the link, it'll bore you to tears). One of the metadata fields we work with is called "Semantic Density." I don't know WHAT the fuck that means, but I just know that Futurama is chock full of semantic density.
Like, with most TV, you watch the first 3 minutes of a show (THAT YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE) and you know exactly 100% of everything that has ever happened or ever could happen in the loathesome little universe it portrays. You just sit and scream at the TV, "NO! Your PARTNER is the killer, you DUMBASS! Look, he's STABBED YOU several times! How can you continue to doubt?!" TV is made for PAINFULLY STUPID people, just like public education.
On the other hand, Futurama and of course The Simpsons are accelerated beyond the ability of mere humans to understand. They may be the first machine-readable TV shows. Like, you just CAN'T get all the jokes the first time around. There are 8 jokes going on in every frame. It's IMPOSSIBLE. You can spend 12 days freeze-framing through one 22-minute episode, and STILL not get all the jokes. It's GREAT! It's videotaped RITALIN!
So, anywho, I dig Futurama. This following link is one of those obsessive Web sites where they OVERANALYZE every single one of those jokes to the point of unpleasant fascination. Enjoy it, and tell em Pigdog sent you.
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Boo-zho-lay for you, Pigdog reader! Another fine Spocktail of the week is available for you. And this week's offering is EXTRA special and fancy, since it celebrates the birthday of Pigdog's own STAR TWINS! (More...)
You need to make a fruity tropical drink and you have no recipe? Here's a mix recently tested by Pigdog's crack bevertology team that's made with ingredients available from most any grocery store. It tastes sweet, fruity, and is perfect for guzzling on the last hot days of summer. (More...)
Last week I had eye surgery and it was certainly one of the least enjoyable episodes of my life. Eye Surgeons like their patients to be conscious enough so that they can move their eyes to the proper position during surgery. (More...)
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
