Build Date: Fri Oct 4 12:40:08 2024 UTC
If someone like Karl Rove had wanted to neutralize the most creative, intelligent, and passionate members of his opposition, he'd have a hard time coming up with a better tool than Burning Man. Exile them to the wilderness, give them a culture in which alpha status requires months of focus and resource-consumptive preparation, provide them with metric tons of psychotropic confusicants, and then... ignore them. It's a pretty safe bet that they won't be out registering voters, or doing anything that might actually threaten electoral change, when they have an art car to build.
-- John Perry Barlow
How Many Would it Take?
2002-04-06 21:26:56
In a new twist on that now very ancient game of "Am I hot or not?", "How Many Would it Take?" trys to determine how many beers you would have to consume in order to find the person in the picture you are looking at hot.
An interesting question, I suppose, as we all know that the more beer one drinks the more likely they are to wake up wondering just who in the hell they are sleeping next too. Beer does that. Beer, after all, has been helping ugly people have sex since 1862.
So this site is an attempt to categorize people and determine just how many rounds they should expect to have to wait through in order to have a 50% chance of scoring with the average person.
And the results aren't pretty. The hottest girl on the site weights in at 6.4 beers. And the hottest guy, who admittedly needs a shave, clocks in at 14.3 beers. 14.3 beers!?!?! Fuckin' A. That would just about kill most of the beer drinking women I know, and I know some pretty good beer drinking women. (By which I mean they aren't necessarily good people, they are just good at drinking beer... in case you were confused.)
I'm not sure from an anthropological point of view what to exactly make of these numbers, but it doesn't seem good. If the hottest guy needs to pour on average 14.3 beers into the girl he is hitting on in order to have a decent chance to score, I think he should not only be carrying a condom in his wallet, but a stomach pump as well.
It is a wonder this species continues to propagate. Good thing there is no beer shortage.
T O P S T O R I E S
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SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
