Build Date: Tue Jun 9 14:30:12 2026 UTC
Mississippi children need to be learning blues guitar not fractions.
-- S. Dallas, Esq.
How Many Would it Take?
2002-04-06 21:26:56
In a new twist on that now very ancient game of "Am I hot or not?", "How Many Would it Take?" trys to determine how many beers you would have to consume in order to find the person in the picture you are looking at hot.
An interesting question, I suppose, as we all know that the more beer one drinks the more likely they are to wake up wondering just who in the hell they are sleeping next too. Beer does that. Beer, after all, has been helping ugly people have sex since 1862.
So this site is an attempt to categorize people and determine just how many rounds they should expect to have to wait through in order to have a 50% chance of scoring with the average person.
And the results aren't pretty. The hottest girl on the site weights in at 6.4 beers. And the hottest guy, who admittedly needs a shave, clocks in at 14.3 beers. 14.3 beers!?!?! Fuckin' A. That would just about kill most of the beer drinking women I know, and I know some pretty good beer drinking women. (By which I mean they aren't necessarily good people, they are just good at drinking beer... in case you were confused.)
I'm not sure from an anthropological point of view what to exactly make of these numbers, but it doesn't seem good. If the hottest guy needs to pour on average 14.3 beers into the girl he is hitting on in order to have a decent chance to score, I think he should not only be carrying a condom in his wallet, but a stomach pump as well.
It is a wonder this species continues to propagate. Good thing there is no beer shortage.

T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
Recently Pigdog has received many letters from readers who are apparently puzzled and upset by our regular coverage of the mysterious nation north of our border, Canadia. (More...)