Build Date: Fri Jul 4 10:10:38 2025 UTC
Joey Ramone is DEAD! Don't you UNDERSTAND? Nothing you say can possibly matter now.
-- Tjames Madison
How Many Would it Take?
2002-04-06 21:26:56
In a new twist on that now very ancient game of "Am I hot or not?", "How Many Would it Take?" trys to determine how many beers you would have to consume in order to find the person in the picture you are looking at hot.
An interesting question, I suppose, as we all know that the more beer one drinks the more likely they are to wake up wondering just who in the hell they are sleeping next too. Beer does that. Beer, after all, has been helping ugly people have sex since 1862.
So this site is an attempt to categorize people and determine just how many rounds they should expect to have to wait through in order to have a 50% chance of scoring with the average person.
And the results aren't pretty. The hottest girl on the site weights in at 6.4 beers. And the hottest guy, who admittedly needs a shave, clocks in at 14.3 beers. 14.3 beers!?!?! Fuckin' A. That would just about kill most of the beer drinking women I know, and I know some pretty good beer drinking women. (By which I mean they aren't necessarily good people, they are just good at drinking beer... in case you were confused.)
I'm not sure from an anthropological point of view what to exactly make of these numbers, but it doesn't seem good. If the hottest guy needs to pour on average 14.3 beers into the girl he is hitting on in order to have a decent chance to score, I think he should not only be carrying a condom in his wallet, but a stomach pump as well.
It is a wonder this species continues to propagate. Good thing there is no beer shortage.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
