Build Date: Sat Jul 12 09:40:16 2025 UTC
i want a machine gun. i want whoever is doing this to me to stand in front of it and suck it.
-- rotten elf
How Many Would it Take?
2002-04-06 21:26:56
In a new twist on that now very ancient game of "Am I hot or not?", "How Many Would it Take?" trys to determine how many beers you would have to consume in order to find the person in the picture you are looking at hot.
An interesting question, I suppose, as we all know that the more beer one drinks the more likely they are to wake up wondering just who in the hell they are sleeping next too. Beer does that. Beer, after all, has been helping ugly people have sex since 1862.
So this site is an attempt to categorize people and determine just how many rounds they should expect to have to wait through in order to have a 50% chance of scoring with the average person.
And the results aren't pretty. The hottest girl on the site weights in at 6.4 beers. And the hottest guy, who admittedly needs a shave, clocks in at 14.3 beers. 14.3 beers!?!?! Fuckin' A. That would just about kill most of the beer drinking women I know, and I know some pretty good beer drinking women. (By which I mean they aren't necessarily good people, they are just good at drinking beer... in case you were confused.)
I'm not sure from an anthropological point of view what to exactly make of these numbers, but it doesn't seem good. If the hottest guy needs to pour on average 14.3 beers into the girl he is hitting on in order to have a decent chance to score, I think he should not only be carrying a condom in his wallet, but a stomach pump as well.
It is a wonder this species continues to propagate. Good thing there is no beer shortage.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
