Build Date: Tue Sep 23 06:00:11 2025 UTC
Don't hate me because I'm the golden child.
-- Special Ed
Get in Touch with Your Anger
2000-11-17 15:20:48
Who is America’s greatest writer? Is it Hunter Thompson? Mark Twain? How about Ed Anger?
If you’ve never heard of Mr. Anger, don’t feel bad. Most people haven’t. Ed Anger’s writing is found exclusively within the pages of the greatest tabloid of all time, The Weekly World News. His column, “My America” chronicles the life and opinions of the last red-blooded, hard drinking, meat-eating real American.
He’s a veteran of The Korean war with a metal plate in his head, a portrait of John Wayne in the den, an American flag flying from it’s pole in the front yard, and a wife in the kitchen - where she belongs. He rallies against the communist scum and weak willed, flag burning nancy-boys who want to undermine God’s favorite country, the U S of A, and all that it stands for. He doesn’t take lip from anyone. Here is a short excerpt from one of his many hundreds of thousands of rants…
I'm madder than a rooster in an alarm clock factory over the way my stupid neighbor treats his kids.
The nitwit has decided he doesn't want the little brats to watch TV, for Pete's sake! Now, I agree with him that some of the junk they try to pass off as entertainment these days is enough to make a grown man throw up.
But it's not the shows that my neighbor's whining about -- it's the commercials!
His attitude is totally un-American, if you ask me. Commercials are what makes our nation great.
Taken from Ed Anger’s column entitled ‘People Who Don’t Watch TV Commercials Are Pinko Commies!" courtesy, Weekly World News.
There are many long-time Anger readers who swear that because of the many years Ed has been writing, and the fact that there are no known photographs of Ed, that Ed isn’t real, that there have been many people over the years who have written under this pseudonym. I don’t believe this to be totally true. Instead, I believe he is the sum of a team of writers.
I take this point of view, because it really isn’t all that easy spewing boiling over-the-top reactionary writing for very long. I’ve tried following Ed’s writing formula. I could only keep it up for a handful of days, before pangs of guilt set in and all my friends were refusing to speak to me. I figure that in order to stave off these feelings of remorse that will eventually set in, a team of talented writers sit down every Monday, and pick a subject out of a hat. Whatever the subject, it’s assigned it to one writer. After a day or two, the person will begin to worry that somewhere in the world, someone may actually take the Ed Anger column seriously. At that point, another writer will jump in, picking up where the first has stopped. By the time deadline arrives, a brand-new Anger article has been produced.
In conclusion, I invite you to sit back, relax, put on a copy of John Wayne (the musical group from Texas, not the actor, but hey, if that floats your boat…) and enjoy the hard labor that goes into Ed’s column each week.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
My experiment is a failure. Rockstar-and-Robitussin tastes like day-after-Halloween bile. I'm trying to choke down enough to discover the effects, but no matter what those are one thing is certain at the outset: what I have discovered is not a Beverage, but a pale green and angry iced abomination.
You were right: science is not for the weak of will nor stomach. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
