CONGRATULATIONS! WELCOME TO UNAMERICA!

     
 

Shipley's Bladder-Capacity Improves
1998-12-01 22:25:00


Net Flotsam
 
I want my invisible jet, just like Wonder Woman. Does that make me gay?
-- Dag

 

OmniGroup president and founder Wil Shipley reports he is able to go longer without relieving himself. "Today, when I went to pick up Karawynn, I didn't stop in the men's room or even think about it," Shipley reports in an on-line essay.

News-starved Shipley fans savored the 376-word journal entry in which Shipley examines the unexpectedly positive ramifications of this new development. "This was one of the things that kept me from traveling," Shipley notes.

Doctors had attributed Shipley's problem to a compulsive disorder--but Shipley reports he found a solution in his new -- and recently-doubled -- Zoloft prescription. "God damn it why didn't I do this a long time ago?"

In a six-paragraph analysis, Shipley also reports that he likes himself. "Don't get me wrong: I still liked us better than me," Shipley cautions fans. But the new insight leaves him optimistic.

"Someone is going to snatch me up," the compulsive Zoloft patient commented.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

tablesalt@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
by Flesh

GNUisance
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
by Mr. Bad

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

03-31

Baron Earl

Creating a wall-hangable computer from an Ikea shadow box frame

More Quickies...