myboot.com Is Pretty Damn Good
2000-04-20 16:46:15

Net Flotsam
Pigdog knows how lonesome the heart gits.
-- Patient Joab


Hey, so there's this site with this guy's writing and some pictures and stuff like that, and it's pretty good. Ha! Man, some of that stuff is funny. Heh.

So, I was searching the Web on Google looking for some background information on Steve Austin, AKA the Bionic Man. I was using Mr. Austin's name in an article or an email screed or some such thing, and I wanted to find out exactly what his rank was. Because, like, they always called him "Lieutenant Steve Austin" or "Captain Steve Austin" on the show. But I couldn't remember what it was, exactly.

And anyways, in between all the Stone Cold Steve Austin foofaraw, which I gotta tell you got pretty annoying after a while, like there ought to be a law or something, I found this cool page. Bwahaha! It's a great essay about Steve Austin, the brilliant astronaut! I laughed out loud -- har har har, is how I laughed!

So then I wasted another couple of hours of my hapless and unwitting employer's time cruising ALL OVER the myboot.com site. It's super-great! There's all this great stories about girls stripping for you and Abe Lincoln and the adventures of Monkeyman and Finch. All real funny stuff! I really enjoyed the whole damn thing.

There's even a whole collection of those various Quicktime or MPEG or AVI movies or whatever that your annoying coworkers send to you over email which take 10 million years to download because they're 20000 Mb in size. And when you get the email all extracted and find an MPEG movie player for Linux and make it work, what you see is a picture of a monkey drinking its own pee. Or whatever. Anyways, I appreciated having these all in one place so I could just send an earl to all my co-workers telling them never to email me any of these files again, ever.

Anyways, being an investigative Professional Reporter, I sent nosey email to the address on the site, asking pointed questions. It turns out that myboot.com is the work of a single fellow, Craig Mitchell, a tweaked fellow from Chicago who's been posting and writing stories on myboot.com for about 2 years. He, uh, works as a network something something for a re-insurance something something, and he's been to Japan and Hong Kong and South Africa. According to the pictures on his site, he wears a lot of those muscle t-shirts. He told me a lot of other stuff, too, but hell, I'm a journalist and we usually cut out most of the things that people find interesting about themselves in our stories, and this is no exception.

The UPSHOT of my long story here is that you should go check out Craig's very clever and funny site, laugh long and hard at it with your loved ones and co-workers, and then work the various motifs expressed into your daily conversations. "What do you think I am? A 100% CHEESE TACO?! Bwahahahaha!" is what you should be saying about 2 days for now. So go do it!

[P.S.: it's 'Colonel.' Just in case you were wondering.]

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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