Build Date: Sat Sep 5 01:20:24 2026 UTC
I've been told that I had a great time.
-- Donkey Hotey
Go Bowling on Superbowl Sunday
2000-01-30 13:47:21
Mr. Bad gives you a TON of things to do on Superbowl Sunday! Screw the TV, let's go BOWLING.
Well, it's Superbowl Sunday here in the good ol' U. S. of A., and if you're anything like me, you could probably not give a Norway rat's bunghole about the whole thing. If so, go take advantage of the fact that EVERYBODY is bundled up in their disturbing little Nacho-consuming TV warrens and go out and have some FUN.
Superbowl Sunday is the day with the SHORTEST LINES for anything in the entire world. It's what life would be like if they dropped the NEUTRON BOMB and all those annoying Soylent Green people that are all getting in your way all the time were decimated. If that concept just leaves you dazzled, here's a list of brilliant things to do in this unpopulated wonderland, instead of watching a TV that you don't care about, anyways:
- Go to the museum! No annoying heads to get in between you and the paintings, or dippy sniveling dweebs talking all the time. Just you and the geriatric security guards!
- Disneyland. d00d. Ride Space Mountain TWO HUNDRED TIMES in a single day!
- See an opening-weekend movie, get the best seat in the house.
- Go to that really fancy restaurant where you have to make reservations 8 weeks in advance. Walk in, be rude to the maitre-d', and take the best table in the house.
- Go to that fancy restaurant that doesn't TAKE reservations, where you have to wait on the street for 4.5 hours to get a seat. Walk in, be rude to the hostess, and take the best table in the house.
- Go to the O'Farrell Brothers. Every single stripper will be performing JUST FOR YOU! How can you beat that?
- See a play. Give critical advice during the performance.
- Go shopping for shoes. Personalized service! You can make those overworked retail suckers run around and get you HUNDREDS of boxes!
- Go to North Beach. You can PARK, man!
- Go to the gym. Try all those crazy machines that you never get to use. Make funny noises while you use them! Try to do the Stairmaster with your HANDS. Ride the rowing machine NAKED.
- Go to a hip bar, spend all afternoon talking to the bartender.
- Dance club! Practice your new moves! Make personal requests from the DJ! Be the best dancer there!
- Go to an arcade, work Burgertime or the Dukes of Hazzard pinball machine to your heart's content.
- Go bowling! They'll have shoes in your size, and you can keep playing until the cows come home. Drink lots of beers and shotput your ball across 9 lanes! Nobody will care!
Whatever you do, don't miss this opportunity. Go out and have some fun, eh? Screw the Superbowl!
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
