Build Date: Thu Oct 16 10:20:08 2025 UTC
i just threw all my schitzo medication in the garbage where it belongs.
-- rotten elf
Saskatchewan Smoking Scandal SHOCKER!
1999-06-29 04:24:38
Big big news in Moose Jaw! The city was rocked this week by the biggest scandal to hit town since the closing of the local dairy! A shocking school survey reached the risable realization that multitudes of malingering minors are able to buy cigarettes from almost half the stores in Moose Jaw!
You heard it first, almost! The Community Action Committee was on the beat for daring demonstrations of desperate debauchery, and fingered the felonious firestick filchers in their own businesses! The recoiling repercussions of such a recidivist revelation are yet to make themselves fully known in calm Moose Jaw, but just dig the word from the hirsute hooligan honcho himself, Keegan McEvoy: "It's a big problem." We copy loud and clear: tobacco toting teens, your tolerance is tersely terminated in town!
In other Moose Jaw news, the big Hometown Fair went off without a hitch last weekend, even if it was "a little cloudy." Crowds flocked to see such stellar acts as the Ding A Ling Brothers Circus and Doc Huxley's Old-Fashioned Medicine Show, and people "seemed to enjoy the agricultural shows," according to the Times-Herald.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my! (More...)
