Build Date: Fri Mar 1 11:50:04 2024 UTC

Oops. Up too late. Sarcastic . . . grumpy . . . Must find brain and eat it . .
-- Downer Cow

Saskatchewan Smoking Scandal SHOCKER!

by Tjames Madison

1999-06-29 04:24:38

Big big news in Moose Jaw! The city was rocked this week by the biggest scandal to hit town since the closing of the local dairy! A shocking school survey reached the risable realization that multitudes of malingering minors are able to buy cigarettes from almost half the stores in Moose Jaw!

You heard it first, almost! The Community Action Committee was on the beat for daring demonstrations of desperate debauchery, and fingered the felonious firestick filchers in their own businesses! The recoiling repercussions of such a recidivist revelation are yet to make themselves fully known in calm Moose Jaw, but just dig the word from the hirsute hooligan honcho himself, Keegan McEvoy: "It's a big problem." We copy loud and clear: tobacco toting teens, your tolerance is tersely terminated in town!

In other Moose Jaw news, the big Hometown Fair went off without a hitch last weekend, even if it was "a little cloudy." Crowds flocked to see such stellar acts as the Ding A Ling Brothers Circus and Doc Huxley's Old-Fashioned Medicine Show, and people "seemed to enjoy the agricultural shows," according to the Times-Herald.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

T O P   S T O R I E S

The Awl

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G