Build Date: Tue May 12 23:30:05 2026 UTC
I'd be more than happy to see the Democrats eat a big shit pie this November.
-- Mr. Bad
Saskatchewan Smoking Scandal SHOCKER!
1999-06-29 04:24:38
Big big news in Moose Jaw! The city was rocked this week by the biggest scandal to hit town since the closing of the local dairy! A shocking school survey reached the risable realization that multitudes of malingering minors are able to buy cigarettes from almost half the stores in Moose Jaw!
You heard it first, almost! The Community Action Committee was on the beat for daring demonstrations of desperate debauchery, and fingered the felonious firestick filchers in their own businesses! The recoiling repercussions of such a recidivist revelation are yet to make themselves fully known in calm Moose Jaw, but just dig the word from the hirsute hooligan honcho himself, Keegan McEvoy: "It's a big problem." We copy loud and clear: tobacco toting teens, your tolerance is tersely terminated in town!
In other Moose Jaw news, the big Hometown Fair went off without a hitch last weekend, even if it was "a little cloudy." Crowds flocked to see such stellar acts as the Ding A Ling Brothers Circus and Doc Huxley's Old-Fashioned Medicine Show, and people "seemed to enjoy the agricultural shows," according to the Times-Herald.
T O P S T O R I E S
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
A Treatise Prepared for the Gallup Organization on the Symbolism of the Scarab
Well dahlings, the response to my new tarot column has been quite overwhelming. I got three whole pieces of mail requesting my arcane insight. One asked why blogs suck so much, and one was a completely incomprehensible tale of bears shitting random numbers in the woods — I am fairly certain it was a cryptographic allegory. Howsomever, only ONE of the inquiries was accompanied by a crisp ten-dollar bill, and so it's the Gallup Organization that will this week reap the benefit of my wicked pack of cards. (More...)
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Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
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Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
