Build Date: Thu May 1 05:30:45 2025 UTC
Hope is not a method
-- Splicer's High School Sex Ed Teacher
Saskatchewan Smoking Scandal SHOCKER!
1999-06-29 04:24:38
Big big news in Moose Jaw! The city was rocked this week by the biggest scandal to hit town since the closing of the local dairy! A shocking school survey reached the risable realization that multitudes of malingering minors are able to buy cigarettes from almost half the stores in Moose Jaw!
You heard it first, almost! The Community Action Committee was on the beat for daring demonstrations of desperate debauchery, and fingered the felonious firestick filchers in their own businesses! The recoiling repercussions of such a recidivist revelation are yet to make themselves fully known in calm Moose Jaw, but just dig the word from the hirsute hooligan honcho himself, Keegan McEvoy: "It's a big problem." We copy loud and clear: tobacco toting teens, your tolerance is tersely terminated in town!
In other Moose Jaw news, the big Hometown Fair went off without a hitch last weekend, even if it was "a little cloudy." Crowds flocked to see such stellar acts as the Ding A Ling Brothers Circus and Doc Huxley's Old-Fashioned Medicine Show, and people "seemed to enjoy the agricultural shows," according to the Times-Herald.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
First in a regular series! The Pigdog Journal Spocktail of the Week features recipes for EXCITING and DELICIOUS potions and tonics for your quaffing pleasure! Gulp down a whole lot TODAY! (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
