Build Date: Sun Jul 13 10:01:52 2025 UTC
I read this book once called "The Baghdad Blogger"... I thought it was gonna be some Jack the Ripper thing... turned out to be some guy who liked Portishead. The sort of guy you'd go for a pint with, but would prefer not to read a bloody book about.
-- Zippy
World Network TV Premiere of Humiliating Monkey Movie
1999-03-05 13:22:00
Perhaps there is nothing more ego-deflating in the world for an actor than having to do a movie with a monkey. I find it particularly pleasurable that even at the height of the mania about the 20-something TV show "Friends," the best that co-star Matt LeBlanc could get out of Hollywood was "Ed," a movie about a monkey that plays baseball. Haw haw haw!
A monkey movie says so many things. It says that you couldn't get anything better. It says that you know that this is your only chance and you better take the money and run. It says that you know that your dignity isn't worth a hill of beans and if it came down to it if they told you to let the monkey fuck you in the ass on the camera you'd probably do it if the numbers added up.
I think that "Ed" foretells great things for Matt LeBlanc, personally. Hell, Ronald Reagan shouted the world that he was a 3rd-class ho without a shred of morals in his opus magnum, "Bedtime for Bonzo." Clint Eastwood showed that he'd take whatever stupid job you gave him with "Any Which Way but Loose" -- a flexibility that later earned him an Oscar. Maybe Matt can look forward to a life as kept boy of a Hollywood producer or maybe even congressional representative from some podunk I-state in the Midwest. Monkey movies open so many doors!
Anyways, never afraid to kick a man when he's down, the Disney Corp is going to run "Ed" on network TV tomorrow night and you should give it a whirl.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
