Build Date: Thu Nov 27 23:00:06 2025 UTC
It's not Gonzo journalism until you're eating rubber tires to
the tune of "Flight of the Bumblebees."
-- Miles Standish
World Network TV Premiere of Humiliating Monkey Movie
1999-03-05 13:22:00
Perhaps there is nothing more ego-deflating in the world for an actor than having to do a movie with a monkey. I find it particularly pleasurable that even at the height of the mania about the 20-something TV show "Friends," the best that co-star Matt LeBlanc could get out of Hollywood was "Ed," a movie about a monkey that plays baseball. Haw haw haw!
A monkey movie says so many things. It says that you couldn't get anything better. It says that you know that this is your only chance and you better take the money and run. It says that you know that your dignity isn't worth a hill of beans and if it came down to it if they told you to let the monkey fuck you in the ass on the camera you'd probably do it if the numbers added up.
I think that "Ed" foretells great things for Matt LeBlanc, personally. Hell, Ronald Reagan shouted the world that he was a 3rd-class ho without a shred of morals in his opus magnum, "Bedtime for Bonzo." Clint Eastwood showed that he'd take whatever stupid job you gave him with "Any Which Way but Loose" -- a flexibility that later earned him an Oscar. Maybe Matt can look forward to a life as kept boy of a Hollywood producer or maybe even congressional representative from some podunk I-state in the Midwest. Monkey movies open so many doors!
Anyways, never afraid to kick a man when he's down, the Disney Corp is going to run "Ed" on network TV tomorrow night and you should give it a whirl.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
