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World Network TV Premiere of Humiliating Monkey Movie
1999-03-05 13:22:00


Monkey Business
 
There are physical limits to depravity.
-- Head Freezin' Gene

 

Perhaps there is nothing more ego-deflating in the world for an actor than having to do a movie with a monkey. I find it particularly pleasurable that even at the height of the mania about the 20-something TV show "Friends," the best that co-star Matt LeBlanc could get out of Hollywood was "Ed," a movie about a monkey that plays baseball. Haw haw haw!

A monkey movie says so many things. It says that you couldn't get anything better. It says that you know that this is your only chance and you better take the money and run. It says that you know that your dignity isn't worth a hill of beans and if it came down to it if they told you to let the monkey fuck you in the ass on the camera you'd probably do it if the numbers added up.

I think that "Ed" foretells great things for Matt LeBlanc, personally. Hell, Ronald Reagan shouted the world that he was a 3rd-class ho without a shred of morals in his opus magnum, "Bedtime for Bonzo." Clint Eastwood showed that he'd take whatever stupid job you gave him with "Any Which Way but Loose" -- a flexibility that later earned him an Oscar. Maybe Matt can look forward to a life as kept boy of a Hollywood producer or maybe even congressional representative from some podunk I-state in the Midwest. Monkey movies open so many doors!

Anyways, never afraid to kick a man when he's down, the Disney Corp is going to run "Ed" on network TV tomorrow night and you should give it a whirl.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

tunafish@pigdog.org


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