Build Date: Thu Oct 9 16:20:14 2025 UTC
I wonder what kind of damage Larry Ellison could do, if he started doing meth.
-- Flesh
"Talking" Gorilla Learns to ask for Codeine
2004-08-09 16:44:31
Koko the signing gorilla made history this week, when she underwent dental surgery for a self-diagnosed toothache.
The famous gorilla, who can sign over 1,000 words and has an IQ over 75--higher than many mid-level managers--told her handlers that she had a toothache by pointing to her mouth and flashing the symbol for "pain". Her handlers gave her pain medication, and 12 medical specialists volunteered to perform treatment.
Of course, this is just the sort of thing that drives the press crazy, and the story has been reported across the globe. For some reason, stories about "talking" animals just go over better than stories about the latest developments in neurology or particle physics.
The upshot to all these press stories about Koko's health is that we get a rare glimpse into the private life of the world's most famous gorilla. For instance, we learn about Koko's lushly appointed apartment in Woodside, California, where she enjoys television and DVD movies. We also learn about her sex life, and about how she and her partner of 11 years have been trying to conceive for years (Koko was given a clean gynecological/obstetric bill of health, leading to wild speculation that her partner may be firing blanks).
The aching tooth was successfully removed under anesthesia. There is no word yet what led to the tooth decay, although Koko's dietary habits may leave something to be desired. When the medical specialists met with Koko before the surgery, Koko "asked one woman wearing red to come closer. The woman handed her a business card, which Koko promptly ate."
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
