Build Date: Wed Nov 19 05:10:21 2025 UTC
I pretty much like anything that has a penis.
-- Miss Conduct
"Talking" Gorilla Learns to ask for Codeine
2004-08-09 16:44:31
Koko the signing gorilla made history this week, when she underwent dental surgery for a self-diagnosed toothache.
The famous gorilla, who can sign over 1,000 words and has an IQ over 75--higher than many mid-level managers--told her handlers that she had a toothache by pointing to her mouth and flashing the symbol for "pain". Her handlers gave her pain medication, and 12 medical specialists volunteered to perform treatment.
Of course, this is just the sort of thing that drives the press crazy, and the story has been reported across the globe. For some reason, stories about "talking" animals just go over better than stories about the latest developments in neurology or particle physics.
The upshot to all these press stories about Koko's health is that we get a rare glimpse into the private life of the world's most famous gorilla. For instance, we learn about Koko's lushly appointed apartment in Woodside, California, where she enjoys television and DVD movies. We also learn about her sex life, and about how she and her partner of 11 years have been trying to conceive for years (Koko was given a clean gynecological/obstetric bill of health, leading to wild speculation that her partner may be firing blanks).
The aching tooth was successfully removed under anesthesia. There is no word yet what led to the tooth decay, although Koko's dietary habits may leave something to be desired. When the medical specialists met with Koko before the surgery, Koko "asked one woman wearing red to come closer. The woman handed her a business card, which Koko promptly ate."
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
